Did You Realize Most of the Protein Consumed in the World are Insects?…I like a Big Blubbery Ball of Worms Sprinkled With Roasted Ants and Finished With a Hint of Truffle Oil

americana-country-boy-fishing-in-river-landscape-square-format-image-walt-curleeEver been fishin’? I’m talking about Huckleberry Finn, barefoot, cane pole, dig your own bait, fresh water fishin’. Well, I have, and to say the least, it’s loads of fun. Find a shady place, plop down on your butt, bait your hook, set your float at the right depth, swing everything over the water and let it fall. When your sinker hits the river bottom, dig in and wait for the fight of your life.

Did I mention that you would be obtaining your own bait? In fact, all we need is a small shovel and a tin can with the top partially cut so that you can open and close the container. You merely dig into the soft, loamy soil and when you feel something snakelike and slimy, pull it from the ground. You have now caught your first night crawler and/or earth worm. All you have to do is remove eleven more of these foot long, slimy, tangled creatures, dump then in a can along with some of their native soil, and you’re ready to go.

This kind of reminds me of a novel I released last year, “Terminal Core.” It contained a scene where man-eating, ground-dwelling, worm-like creatures, scarfed up homosapien-like popcorn. I guess fishing is one way to get back at these nasty belly crawlers.

There it goes; my rod’s bent double and starting to pull me toward the water. I’ve got an idea for a great novel, but I ain’t lettin’ this fish get away. Either look for a new novel with my name on it next year or keep an eye on the obits…That’ll tell the story!

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I’m Gonna Write Me One of Them Thar Books. Can’t Be but So Hard, a Word Here, a Word Thar a Period or Two and You Got It…I Reckon

I had a notion in my mind

It couldn’t be a waste of time

A book I would attempt to pen

Publish, get rich, repeat again

I tap, tap, tapped on my computer machine

My first manuscript was about to be seen

By some lucky agent I would certainly find

How hard could it be they’re a dozen a dime

I wrote and rewrote til my draft was perfected

Sure there’s no chance that it was rejected

I concocted a query, a letter unequaled

Correspondence so grand it deserved its own sequel

I awaited response knowing it’d take a while

Though confident my quest would end with a smile

The agent responded in most record time

The answer received was nowhere in line

With my expectations they could not be right

How could anyone reject a story so bright?

A novel so brilliant it outshone the sun

The nerve of this agent to say it was done

I tried once again this time I sent two

Two agents at once, surely one’d see it through

Then replies filtered back, not all at one time

I could not grasp when I saw none sublime

How could they turn superior work down?

Couldn’t they see the best seller they’d found

It doesn’t matter to me the funds they won’t glean

By shunning the best work that I’ve ever seen

I made up my mind to play hard and fast

I’d send multiple queries as long as they’d last

I thought I may run out of agents that way

But I found they make more of them every day

I queried and queried and queried for years

Then verified one thing in common I’d feared

The agency letters all started with charm

By the end they gave way to a sense of alarm

Would I ever find a place for my work?

Or my constant search drive me berserk

At last I found a fantastic small press

That enjoyed my writing and banished my stress

Alas I have a place to call home

A place I feel I shan’t be alone

The next phase I hear will be but a breeze

It’s marketing something I’ll do with great ease

Post Script:

I’m still pushing forward not with great ease

I found out the hard way, marketing’s no breeze

If someone could help me I’m feeling inept

A marketing gang’s bout to beat me to death    

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Words Come and Words Go. Sometimes They Don’t Go Fast Enough and Linger in Our Subconscious Ready to Poke us With a Pointed Stick When We Least Expect It

soundofsilence It seems nowadays the words we use for positive situations have changed drastically. Words such as BAD, WICKED, SICK, BEAST, and KILLER now impart positive connotations to daily situations.

If that weren’t enough, the phrase “100% ROTTEN TOMATOES” qualifies a movie as excellent.   

Over the years, different sayings and phrases have come and gone. The ones so near and dear to our hearts such as FAR OUT, CHUMP, and BOOGIE make us glad that ‘come and gone’ (emphasis on gone) rings true for slang words.

Then, we have the crème de la crème: the words and phrases to end all words and phrases, such as, RIGHT ON, CATS and my favorite and most assuredly yours, GROOVY.  It seems the word that defies time, is always in vogue, and denotes a positive meaning, is COOL. It’s been around since the 1930’s, which for such a word, symbolizes an eon.

I believe I’ll end on a positive note. Pretty COOL, huh?

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“Deadly Reign,” 3rd Book in the “Rising Tide Series”

deadly-reign-cover Available Spring  2017   Pre-order:   http://christophermatthewspub.com/soul-fire-press/

Ben, Eve and Pete continue to push through this new Earth as the world sinks deeper into corruption. They gain new allies, including an intellectual animal equipped with the gift of speech. They are forced to battle six aberrations (beasts and riders) deemed nearly indestructible. The environment has manifested into a frigid terrain with the sun lost in the ice filled cloud cover. Swords forged especially for the riders by the riders offer another layer of defense to an already superior force. The humans have deduced that water may possibly be a weapon, but a weapon that even now is freezing at an accelerated rate.

 

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If You Are One to Spell Words By Sounding Them Out (Phonics), Most People Would Say, “That’s a Good Thing.” After Reading This Post That May Change

qx3hlI thought it would be educational to write a blog using phonics…excuse me one moment…there we go. Please humor me as I begin my post once again.

I thawt it wood b edukshunal to rite a blog using fonix. B-ing a riter I do use this tool okkashunalee. In fakt I feel it wood be prudent to diskribe the riting process as it werks for me.

I yam not the tipe to use an outline befor I begin a new manuskript. I sit befor the m-tee kompewter  skreen with an idea and let it gro from ther. Wonse my idea kan manetane a firm hold then a storee line is kreated. Regardless of the jonra in witch the storee is ritten, I proseed in the same maner and simplee allow the storee to rite itself. Bi allowing mi noval this freedum, with me as the ankor, a smoother progreshun from start to finish kan b obtaned.

So u see how benafishal fonix kan b wen used korrekly and in kontext with itself. I kannot understan what happened to the fonix program. It used to be so populer that peeple were akchewly hooked on it. Ma-b this post wil bring an awareness of our need for this resorse. As u can see it is to valubul to lews. Spred the word. Don’t let this galant hero of words eskape our sivilized sivilazashun. I felt the need to drop all suddleties in this post. Pleese pardon mi zeel.

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Clowns Give Some Folks the Willies. Being an Author They Don’t Really Bother Me. I Just Ball up in a Fetal Position and Whimper Till They’re Gone.

clown_car_122860Ever written yourself into a corner, like an absent-minded painter might do with his brush? Or have you completely botched a section of dialog so badly, when you read what was written you considered a career in the fast food industry?

The misnomer we encounter while writing can be humorous, questionable or mind-boggling, leaving us stewing in its wake.

The same can be said for the real world. Ever heard of a hung jury? Of course, you have. Then why when capital punishment is carried out using a rope, the prisoner is said to be hanged?

This one will keep you scratching your head. We have televisions that receive information through the airways by substations or satellite. Radios receive signals in a similar fashion. Hundreds of thousands of cell phones world-wide also carve their paths through the air, back and forth from receiver to receiver. Clocks, Wi-Fi, planes, trains and automobiles all vie for space in the atmosphere with a myriad of other devices. How do these signals get from point A to point B without colliding with the millions of other signals heading from point C to point D and on and on?

Finally, and this one is a question for the literary ages. Why is it easier to balance a Volkswagen full of drunken clowns at the end of a twelve-foot rod while standing on a greasy slab of ice during a category 4 hurricane at the epicenter of a 7.5 earthquake than it is to obtain a literary agent?

Whew, I need a nap.

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If Useless Information was at One Time Useful and Used to Accomplish Useful Things Then Who Decided it Was Useless?

halloween_decorating_ideas_for_small_bathrooms_from_bathroom_bliss_by_rotator_rod_6_grandeWith as many words as I spew out each day, occasionally I’ll wax poetic and my poor brain will begin to wander. Where it wanders is anybody’s guess.

On this particular day, it decided that a trip laden with useless information was its destination.

Let us delve deeper into the abyss, past the cobwebs and detour sign, which is my cranium, and gather the aforementioned information.

Here comes one now, it says, “lawyers banned in all fifty states from advertising. The ban was lifted in 1977.”… Too much, too much, this must not be!

Now we are in a place where the cobwebs are at their thickest. There’s another one entwined within the webs. “Why do some motocross drivers beat their bike with a riding crop? …Beating inanimate object beyond ludicrous, must go!

Look! There’s one lying in the muck and mire of my sad empty brain cavity.  Everyone knows the Wicked Witch of the East died due to a drop in the housing market, but did you know her sister,  the Wicked Witch of the West had a severe… and I mean a severe, twice personified body odor problem? She hung around with monkeys and never took a bath, being as  water led to dissolution problems…  Movie debut in 1939. On a quiet night you can still smell bubbling b.o.

I guess when you really get down to it, there’s no accounting for taste… or for that matter smell.     

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