When Looking at the Written Word Legible Means We Recognize the Letters Themselves; However, Legibility Does not Equal Understanding so I Say to You, “Ugh Ugh Hmm Ugh Hmm Hmm Ugh Hmm Hmm.”

leo-cullum-the-emergence-of-language-cave-woman-we-need-to-talk-caveman-uh-oh-new-yorker-cartoonCommunication is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha, but funny strange. Once man realized his desire to communicate with his neighbor, I imagine the first conversation went something like this:

“Ugh.”

“Ugh?”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm hmm.”

“Hmm ugh.”

“Hmm ugh hmm.”

When man realized a need for long distance communication, he found that yelling his newly established words was not an effective way. Through his frustration, he learned to beat on various objects. When he discovered hollow logs and the distance the sound would resonate, the problem was solved.

After many, many years and the grand evolution of language, the written word was born.

This allowed messages, information and anything that could travel through the vocal cords, out of the mouth and recorded on parchment to take the show on the road.

Then one day a lonely man, living in a bamboo hut on a desert island had an idea. His only possessions were a pencil, a piece of paper and a bottle of water. His idea was to write for entertainment. After completing his first short story, he found there was a reason to live. He wrote every waking moment, creating what would have been the greatest novels in history. Unfortunately, he had but one sheet of parchment and the constant erasing eroded the sheet so thin it only had one side. The last thing he was able to write on this parchment was a short story of a lonely man with a pencil, a sheet of paper and a bottle of water. Knowing he could not keep this secret from the world, he placed the delicate piece of parchment into the bottle and tossed it into the ocean so the world would have this gift. Due to his excitement, he failed to place the cork into the bottle. He would wile away the rest of his life drinking coconut milk and writing in the sand. It would take another thousand years before writing was used for entertainment. And there you have it, the reason you and I write stories (no matter how ridiculous) for others to hopefully enjoy.

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Problems Arise with Keyboards. Is the Problem Really the Keyboard or the Keyboardee…or is it the Keyboarder? See There, Mention a Keyboard and You Automatically Have Additional Problems.

windowslivewriterhowfastcanyoutypeinwordsperminute-521count-the-fingers-1When you write do you ever notice unusual things that appear within your sentences, such as a mistake that just materializes? Not the usual error, but something that brings to mind the possibility of a possessed hard drive. In most cases the faux pas could not be created by any means known to man. It’s nothing like mistakes that a normal human being would make.

I’m what you would call “keyboard challenged,” so I have a few close friends that help me type from time to time. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have someone who knows what they’re doing. Occasionally, I’ll be looking at the ceiling while having a conversation with my typist, not paying attention to the sound of the keys tapping, when I glance back at the screen, and my words that were meant to prepare for the next paragraph, are the next paragraph. Ah, the woes of writing.

In conclusion, I feel the need to ask a question: If you’re watching television and one of the characters says “I’ve got six words to say to you,” followed by their statement,  do you count on your fingers the amount of words uttered by the actor, or do you trust the actor is correct?

Ah, such problems on one man’s shoulders; however, I shall gladly bear the burden for all those with the same affliction.

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If I Were to Fall into Fall Would the Fall Break My Fall? Likewise, If I Were to Spring into Spring Would the Fall Break My Fall? Too Many Questions, Can’t Think Straight, Too Many, Just Too Many

kids-jumping-in-leaves-7Once again it is upon us. In fact, it comes around every year at this particular time. When asked about it, most people will answer that it is their favorite. When there are four to select from, I guess the one chosen becomes special. How special, you ask? Well, allow me to enlighten you.

Books, both fiction and non-fiction, have been penned about this phenomenon. Somewhat of an opposite spectacle takes place six months prior to…or if you are on more of a subsequent thought pattern, you may take a six month after stance. Which one you take makes no difference to me. I don’t even know why I put such bazaar notions in this blog, although it does take up space. How do you like me now?

Again you ask, what is this that deserves so much attention, has been the subject of numerous types of literature, and inspired the very color palette we use today? The autumnal equinox signifies a change of the seasons, the onset of ragweed allergies, and the clogged snot lockers that ensue. For all you bugophiles and arachnophobiacs, don’t forget the cicadas, katydids and huge red spiders that also lend to the completion of summer. Aside from all the bugaboos, it’s a beautiful time, raking up leaves for your grandkids to jump in.

So take the opportunity to enjoy this gift from God.

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Many Thanks

thank you

thank you

I’ve been writing posts on my WordPress blog…well, I don’t know how long I’ve been writing posts on WordPress, but I do know at the very least several years. As far as how many posts I have written, I’m sure there are hundreds. I do one a week. When I first started, I did at least one and sometimes two each week. I wanted to take a moment to thank my readers and followers for your loyalty. It’s like Christmas each week to send off a post and read the responses. I strive to connect to writing but in a light-hearted, humorous way. So please, accept my heartfelt thanks and know that your attention is much appreciated!

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Book Giveaway

TERMINALCORE FC“Terminal Core” my latest science fiction adventure novel is now available as a giveaway on Goodreads. Follow this link   https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/198358-terminal-core    and enter to win a copy. Joining any social media sites is not required to enter.  Contest ends September 9, 2016.

Aon, a solid core planet made from the priceless and most dense element in the galaxy, caladium, is under silent attack. Plans are made by off-worlders to dissolve the unbreakable core using crude oil obtained from 19th century earth. Once the oil is refined, the byproduct, gasoline, will soften the caladium, allowing it to be collected. It is soon discovered the core is made from living beings created from caladium itself. The off-worlders employ a band of corrupt inhabitants to carry on this work. They find themselves in a constant struggle with a small coalition of Aonians bent on saving their home world. Both factions clash with the indestructible core creatures. With horrendous beasts one step behind and deadly pitfalls ahead, the coalition struggles to finish its journey, hoping to insure their races’ survival

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I’ve Never Experienced Writer’s Block, I’ve Never Experienced Writer’s Block, I’ve Never Experienced Writer’s Block, I’ve Never Experienced Writer’s Block…

Imagine acquiring a literary agent. This agent quickly finds a publisher for your first book. You’re given deadlines to complete various parts of your manuscript. Things are going fine until your well-oiled machine slams into a concrete wall. Sound familiar?

Oh no! You’ve run into that immovablewriters_block_400 force known as writer’s block. This will send the average author screaming toward the hills.

Are you picking up what I am carefully placing down for you…?…Okay, good, let us continue.

What once was on schedule has now begun to slip behind. No big worries so far, but pandemonium may lie in the future if this problem is not corrected…sound familiar yet?

Guess what kids?  We’re now in the future which has been carefully renamed the present. Your publisher with much foreboding is insisting you complete the remaining pieces of your manuscript. You assure said publisher the remaining chapters are complete and will be sent next week after your final edits.

Your next move is to write the remaining few chapters.

Next week has come and gone and your publisher is threatening to cancel your contract. Your agent is also threatening cancellation and possible law suites to follow. Now, I ask again, does this sound familiar? If it does, you’re in a world of trouble and should have paid more attention to your deadlines.

As for me, I’ve been unable to coerce an agent so far. I have come close, but we know that close and three dollars will get you a cup of coffee. Until that day I’ll rely on small presses; they’re wonderful to work with.

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What’s two Inches Long, has More Legs Than a Porcupine has Quills, Bringing Such Fear in to the Heart of a Brave Man That he Utters the Word “Ick”

House Centipede, Scutigera coleoptrata

House Centipede, Scutigera coleoptrata

I feel as though I should acknowledge summer since it is soon to be a thing of the past. This post tends to leave writing on the back burner, which is something you probably shouldn’t do in a blog about writing. I’ll just have to invoke poetic license, but just this once.

I realize that most people don’t care for insects; however, my wife has developed an unnatural aversion to a unique bug that likes to frequently prowl across our ceilings. These little rapscallions range in size from a 1/4 inch to 2 or more inches when full grown. They are somewhat flat, tan colored and boast multiple legs circumnavigating their entire body, although there may be a few antennae protruding from the front which happens to look identical to the back. These little boogers can scoot across a sheet-rock wall before you can say, “Seattle Slew.”

When I say my wife has a developed an aversion to these scampering wall clingers, I don’t mean she runs out of the room or hides under the bed covers. This sweet female I’m spending my life with and enjoying the experience immensely will clear our king size bed in a single bound, armed with a flyswatter, shoe or a hand covered in skin just to get at one of these beasts.

Normally, she hits this creature with such force, it disintegrates. Occasionally, she‘ll catch enough of this multi-legged bug and knock it to the floor. Then watch out, cause its Katy-bar-the-door. She’ll chase it  along the wall, stomping if it dare raise its head around the edge of the carpet. Eventually, I’ll hear a satisfied, “Gotcha!”

She’ll appear from behind some piece of furniture, donning her weapon of choice and the dead carcass of what we now know to be a house centipede,  who met his fate meddling with my wife. Bugs in general, including arachnids and our slithery scaly friends, don’t much bother me and in my family I am the exception to the creepy crawling rule.

My son, stepson and son-in-law all cringe at the thought of anything with more than four legs or no legs at all. At least, they keep it in the family; their wives work bug detail.

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