Public Service Announcement

The one thing I avoid at all costs is to be a bother in any way to my readers. That being said, my boss requires I post information on my books from time to time. Being as I need this job, I must bow to the wishes of my superior.

Trying to discipline oneself is extremely difficult and should be left to the experts in Human Resources (which does not exist); hence, the preceding message.

Ben’s best friend is killed in an underwater implosion on a dying world. Living to die again, the two men reunite and battle for an ancient artifact, a relic which will ensure this planet’s survival. Ben crosses a threshold. The world he leaves—doomed; the world he enters—reborn. His wife, Eve, and their bumbling charge, Eleazor, follow Ben through the doorway and blindly into the void. “Eden’s Wake” is Book Two in the “Rising Tide” series available in ebook or paperback wherever books are sold.

Investment in this endeavor will garner much appreciation and eliminate the awkward position of self-termination not to mention having to explain my sudden unemployment to my wife.

Thank you.

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Katy-Did-It so the Next Time You Wanna Gnaw off a Bug’s Head Don’ t Drag Me into Your New Culinary Experiences

article-0-0E035C8E00000578-745_634x512We’re nearing mid-August and already I can see small signs of fall emerging. Just last week, our daily highs were in the 60’s and 70’s with lower humidity.

(Catch my new release, “For Whom the Leaves Fall,” for all my autumnal predictions.)

It’s a time of year when critters begin their death march and this final march, many times, includes the walking dead entering my abode.

For instance, the extremely noisy cicadas begin dropping from the sky, and the just as annoying katydid’s go to any length to sneak into my home. (They’re the deep green flying insects that somewhat resemble a grasshopper.)

If you’ve ever had even one of these green monsters in your house, then you know that when they begin sounding off, you would swear an air raid siren had set up shop in your living room.

It’s also the time (those with arachnophobia might want to close your eyes through this section) that these big fat red spiders string their webs everywhere. More than likely sections of web will find their way crossing through your exterior door openings. Ever see someone who has an aversion to our eight legged friends get tangled in a spider web where the owner of said web is as big as your thumb? Believe you me, it’s not a pretty sight.

Then, we have the leftover yellow jackets who seem determined to mine every iota of sugar they can. And where does one mine for sugar in the fall? Why soda cans of course. Ever see someone who has an aversion to stinging insects spend even a short amount of time with one in their mouth? Well, let’s just say this one gets downright ugly.

Have you ever paid attention to a granddaddy long-legs in the spring? It sits high on its long thin legs and small round body. Pay special attention to the same species who makes it through the summer and into fall. Its legs are worn down halfway or more. Its body looks as though it has been sitting on a couch eating hotdogs all summer long. Ugly doesn’t begin to describe this short, fat, out-of-shape member of the arachnid family.

Now, we’ll pick on the bad boy of the insect world in my neck of the woods. This would be the wolf of the foliage, the Praying Mantis. Bugs don’t normally bother me, but a large Praying Mantis I don’t normally touch. One year out of curiosity I put a large Mantis in a jar along with a fat red spider. The Praying Mantis moving at the speed of sound snatched the spider so quickly that the arachnid never had a chance. The Mantis had eaten the spider’s head before I knew what had happened.

Quite interesting indeed.

So instead of sitting inside watching the leaves fall. Check out what type of death and dismemberment may be available for viewing in your area. Until next week….

Toodles.

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Book Giveaway Contest Extension

Due to mistakes I made in the wording announcing my “free book contest” I am extending the contest until September 24, 2015. After reading my pitch I managed to confuse my own self. It was clear as mud and I apologize. What do you expect I’m just a writer.
This WordPress article is publicized on Twitter and Facebook. The prize will be a copy of my new release, “Eden’s Wake.” Two books will go to WordPress readers, two books will go to Twitter participants and two books to Facebook account holders. In order to win the book you must answer a question from the first book in the series, “Rising Tide.”
Question : What was the name of the character who was murdered in the pool under the waterfall on the island?
Please enter your answers as messages on one of the three sites.The first two correct answers from each media site will win a book. I will publish the winner’s name after the close of the contest. Please let me know if you would rather remain anonymous.
The contest will begin July 24, 2015 at midnight EST and end September 24, 2015 at 11:59 EST.
Good luck and thank you once again for your support.
Lynn

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If Napoleon’s Mother Mailed a Letter to Waterloo, I Bet it Wouldn’t Have Cost Fifteen Bucks to Mail and Possibly Never Gotten There

4955406_f260Do you remember the “Back to the Future” series of movies? One of my favorites, I’ll have to say. What if you could travel to the past and live your research for that historical novel you’ve always wanted to write? Perhaps you could take a jaunt into the future and write an amazing factual sci-fi thriller? The possibilities are endless.

You could even place yourself in the annals of history. Let’s say you sneak into Napoleon’s tent during the battle of Waterloo. You dispatch short stuff, take over his command, and accept the sound thrashing from General Wellesley. (This coincidentally is where the name Beef Wellington is derived.)

Return to a point in history just to be defeated, you ask? Why certainly, I say. Why not have your name among the great leaders and unforgettable (except for Napoleon) victors the French can boast…wait a minute. The French never won a war…there was the battle that they fought against themselves…I don’t know, maybe they called it a draw. The last time I checked, if you Google “French Military Victories” you’ll be asked, “do you mean French Military Defeats?” Who knows, but it sure makes great fodder for a blog. So let us continue.

How about that futuristic, factual, sci-fi thriller?

A lot of folks (including me not so long ago) thought the postal service was run by the government. In fact, they are completely funded by the monies they collect from the sale of stamps. Please let me pause at this juncture to mention that I believe the USPS does an outstanding job. Can you imagine having to receive, sort and deliver the billions of pieces that travel through the postal system each day? I realize a portion of this process is automated, but to mail a letter or package one day and have it arrive several days later across the country is mind boggling. My hat is off to you USPS!

Now back to our story.

What if the postal service was taken over by the government? I would imagine total anarchy would soon follow. Packages couldn’t travel between businesses in under a month even if the businesses in question were across the street from each other. A letter would cost $14.99 to mail within its state of origin. No doubt 400 to 500 pieces of mail would make it to their destination (not necessarily the correct destination) each week. All in all, what the average person would term as a stellar success for the well-oiled governmental machine. I guess we’d have to change the genre from science fiction to horror.

Please take a minute and allow me to shudder.

I’m too upset to continue writing, I think I’ll dunk my head in the toilet several times to bring things back into perspective.

Well, here come the nightmares again……..

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I Don’t Wanna Die by the Hand of a Shadow Monster. Why Do I Have to Be Hacked to Pieces? Whine, Whine, Whine. Even Mediocre Help is Hard to Find.

Have you ever felt as though you would like to live vicariously through the characters you create on paper?Dark_knight

I thought about it, thought about it some more, took a nap, and then considered it one last time. What I decided was a resounding, “NO!”

You see, even though a certain amount of “me” flows through the virtual nerve synapsis of my paper bound buddies, it’s not the part that lives in constant danger. And most certainly, contains not one iota of the beast slaughtering, world jumping, plague dodging and all around kill or be killed existence my entourage seems to embrace.

For the adrenaline junkie, life on the edge is not exactly my style. My idea of an exciting excursion, living life to the fullest and enjoying those “will I make it back in one piece” moments, consist of catching an 8 ounce spot in the surf. After that, the sky’s the limit. There’s no telling what I might get into. I’ve even been known to dare hitting the beach without sunscreen. Now, if that doesn’t put the fear in the heart of a brave man, then I’m at a loss at what will.

As I write, I contemplate how much death, dismemberment and mayhem I can drag my sad little creations through; for they are my puppets. “Dance little puppets, dance.” I suppose I should cut’em a little slack for they do the majority of the work.

I did happen to find a highly recommended virtual psychiatrist, but the cost in virtual bucks is a bit over the top. I do know a first year psychologist who just got out of jail and will work for beer.

I can hear it now, all you bleeding heart bookies. You have no idea what this business entails. So don’t judge me just because I want to save a few vb’s. I’ve got a wife and 6 kids I’m grooming for the business and let me tell ya, novel acting lessons ain’t cheap.

That’s it! I can tell already that I may as well be talking to a brick wall. Whine for the downtrodden characters even though they chose their own career. Well I’ve just about had it. Wait till my next book. If you think it’s bad now, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Why don’t you go read some sappy romance novel, cause you won’t find any sissy stuff here.

See ya in the funny papers.

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Sometimes Ya Feel Like a Nut…Sometimes Ya Feel Like an Aluminum Can Smashed by an Amphetamine Crazed Trucker

imagesSomeone needs to write an appreciation guide listing all the wonderful individuals, corporations, and just down-right, goodhearted entrepreneurs who want to improve our lives and, might I add, at little or no cost to the consumer.

Case in point: I cannot believe the plethora of products that cost little or nothing ($19.99 to use a random number) and as a bonus, come with a multitude of gifts totaling boo-coo bucks, absolutely free.

Do you hear what I’m saying? That’s an unbelievable savings that the company or individual in their undying compassion passes on to me. What a bargain!

And then there are the generosity hounds that will double my order (you guessed it) absolutely free, for that same pesky small processing fee. These high quality items are provided for our necessity at such a low cost I cannot fathom how the manufacturers put food on their own tables.

I can only say with a tear in my eye how truly grateful I am.

We mustn’t forget the companies who sell us a product and then knowing we’ll soon run out, send us a new supply each month, not  bothering to tell us…that is, unless we are able to decipher the fine print at the bottom of the screen.

I realize this segue into our next fascinating topic makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, however, it works well with my mind set and after all isn’t that what really matters.

By all accounts it seems that Angus beef is nothing more than a marketing ploy (go figure)  and frogs are not dumb enough to sit in a pot of water and cook even if the temperature is gradually raised. And, they all said my attention span was that of a…What time is it I believe I need to take my medicine…I know it’s here somewhere…There it is… Okay back to the task at hand.

Another thing, that has recently entered the crowded arena of marketing (and for the product we are about  to discuss the marketing plan had to have  been pulled from under a rock) is what can only be perceived as genitals on what used to be one of my favorite candy bars. This particular bar consists of nougat and is covered in peanuts.  Why a set of naughty bits makes a candy bar more desirable can only be a question for the ages. What I do know is when I eat nuts, I’m particular from whence they hale–be it animal, vegetable or mineral. Which raises another question. What type of unmentionable body parts could possibly sprout from a bar of sugar, caramel and goobers. Irregardless I think I’ll pass.

We seem to be headed in a direction I believe neither of us wants to go. So with that I will end this section with these immortal words… “Nuff said.”

Now, since I can think of no segue to rival the last, I deem it best to call it a day and reflect on tonight’s dinner minus the nuts.

As usual, thank you for tuning in and I welcome any complaints. I’ll be sure to let you know when the complaint department is up and running.

Toodles!

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Book Giveaway

Contest Starts Today!

 

I’ve been considering a book giveaway, but not quite sure how to proceed. RisingTideAfter a short prayer it popped into my head and  not just mine, but my wife’s also. I plan to give away six books total.

This WordPress article is publicized on  Twitter and Facebook. The prize will be a copy of my newest release, “Eden’s Wake.” Two books will go to WordPress readers, two books will go to Twitter participants  and two books to Facebook account holders. In order to win the book you must answer a question from the first book in the series, “Rising Tide.”

Question :   What was the name of the character who was murdered in the pool under the waterfall on the island?

Please enter your answers as messages on each of the three sites to keep your information confidential. The first two correct answers from each media site will win a book. I will publish the winner’s name after the close of the contest. Please let me know if you would rather remain anonymous.

The contest will begin July 24, 2015 at midnight EST  and end  August 24, 2015 at 11:59 EST.

Good luck and thank you once again for your support.

Lynn

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