Father’s Day Gift Ideas

TERMINALCORE FCRisingTideFather’s Day is coming soon!

 If your dad is hard to buy for and enjoys a good Sci-fi or fantasy read, try one of my novels. They’re action packed, full of adventure and will keep you on the edge of your seat. They’re available at Amazon and other fine booksellers. Go to my website http://www.lynnsteigleder.com to read a short synopsis on each book and easily place an order.

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I Tired ‘o’ Mush. Tonite I Gets Pizza From Pizza Store

young-kid-with-cell-phoneI’m contemplating beginning a manuscript (I say beginning because I’m not sure it could ever be finished) on prevalence ridiculously personified.

This would be somewhere between an electronic “how to” manual, The Human Condition and Why…why what, you ask? No rhyme or reason, just why.

Now I will lay out a basic outline of this forth coming monster.

First: The smart phone. Just as my own personal survey, I pay attention to easy statistical situations, for instance, an elevator. The next time you’re ferrying up and down in one of these closed transports, notice how many people have their head down and are sliding their fingers merrily across the face of the phone.

Likewise, you can usually tell those who have a cell phone hanging on their side or in the top of their pocket book not being used.

I know this is not a major scientific study done over a wide group for an extended period of time; however, I determined three out of five persons with a mobile phone (and let’s face it, there aren’t many people without one) are using them at any given time.

I saw two young men walking side by side in a parking lot, both conversing on mobile phones, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Are they talking to each other?”

Now, the demographic for the mobile phone phenomena, be it a smart or a stupid phone (I want you to notice that smart and stupid is interchangeable between phone and operator) knows no boundaries. Kids operate them; seniors operate them and every age in between.

Now, I must admit, I fall into the category of smart phone with stupid operator.

It all comes down to this: we’ve created a monster that’s never going to go away, but aren’t all the nice melodies playing everywhere we go from these electronic creatures a nice by product of an unnecessary evil?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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If’n You Can’t be Good, Then I’m a Com’n Fer Ya. So Remember, Play Nice and Don’t You be No Naughty Boy.

OldWestBountyHunterCome on and admit it. I want you to tell me the truth on the question I’m about to ask. Hasn’t there been a character on the cover of a novel that you would secretly like to emulate?

I won’t tell anyone…c’mon…you can trust me…just spit it out.

There, doesn’t that feel better? It doesn’t matter that you want to play a space robot digging through a sandbox on the planet Nogg.

Oops! Guess I let the cat out of the bag on that one.

Boy, the people that read my blog.

Okay, I guess I’ll have to fess up. I’m not a big fan of westerns, but I’ve always admired the rustic gunslinger in the long, black oil skin coat. Top that off with a black Stetson and a pair of Colt 45s and you have me circumnavigating the old west as a bounty hunter.

Why a bounty hunter you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. I wouldn’t want to be too good and I wouldn’t want to be too bad, so the way I figger it, a bounty hunter is somewhere twixin the two.

I would travel through the pages collecting money on skip after skip, taking a bullet now and again but never anything too serious. I reckon I’d be pert near number one as far as the bounty hunter game goes.

Yep, after years of collecting bodies, dead or alive, I’d settle down, buy a ranch, find a good woman and have me a passel of young’ns.

I hate to tell a tale and run, but I hear tell of a sizeable piece of land for sale in the Montana Highlands. You know what they say: That there early bird, he’s the one that jerks that worm outta the ground.

We’ll palaver next week one’st I git back from that big sky country.

Getty up, boy, we gotta be back here in a week!

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Go Ahead and Laugh at Yourself; Everyone Else Does

poster215big-651x1024Occasionally, I’ll lighten up and dabble in the genre of humor. My last attempt was a novella about a young married couple with kids out to remodel their home on their own.

Now as you conjure this scenario in your brain, you begin to see that this very action is fraught with danger; however, we know all too well that fools rush in where angels fear to trod.

This being said, some folks failed to get in line when the protective mechanism of fear was handed out. This not only leads to bad behavior and by this I mean things like standing on a golf course during a  thunderstorm holding a lightning rod.

Perhaps checking the tension on your alternator belt while the engine is running (I know someone who lost weight doing this) is not the ideal time to perform this particular maintenance. The person in question didn’t drop a lot of weight, just the end of two fingers.

This can also lead to completely inaccurate statements, such as: cat nap. If you’re not familiar with feline habits, they can sleep up to 22 hours each day…just a bit more than a nap.

I don’t own a cat, but I have had a child and the statement “sleep like a baby” totally befuddles me. Children should sleep closer to the way cats nap and cats…I really don’t care what hours they keep.

And last but not least, why would anyone venture out and spend good money to have what is known as a motivational speaker blow smoke up your shorts?

I guess spending money to feel marginally better as someone spews streams of nothing at you is acceptable in some circles.

See what happens when you venture outside of your genre, heartache, nothing but heartache.

Think I’ll spend the weekend polishing up on my motivational speaking. There’s a depressed family of squirrels in my backyard that keep chewing wires and gas lines off my vehicles. So far they’re into me for over $1500 bucks. I’ve almost got them convinced to jump off the top of the highest oak tree in our yard. At least I’ll get some meat for my trouble.

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Did You Say, “Do It Again.”…No!…Anything but That…Will You Ever Learn?

writing-a-novelConsidering my last four blogs, I see the first three find me whining about the insidious woes of having to write, rewrite, and edit my books over and over again. You would think I was the only author who had such a burden to carry on my poor little shoulders.

Well, maybe I am. I may be the first author in history to have had such a challenge on a novel that was challenging to write, challenging to rewrite, challenging to edit, challenging to rewrite again and challenging to finishing editing. It was also challenging to read it the 30 or so times that I was required to read said novel, ensuring that all was properly done. I should add this was accomplished with the help of a competent publisher/editor.

In my fourth blog, I reveled in the completion of this challenging novel.

Quite a feat, don’t you think? Of course you do, if you have the same high opinion of me as I do…now let’s take a moment to sort out my recent comments. If this was really me and the delusional financial strategy I have simmering in the recess of my brain even possible, I’d have it made. I could buy myself for what I’m worth, sell myself for what I think I’m worth, and realize enough profit to purchase a professional sports collective.

In truth, my last novel was a bear to bring to print as I’m sure you, too, have experienced. But obviously, we’re gluttons for punishment, because you know what we’re going to do?…that’s right…turn around and jump smack dab right into the middle of the fire, again.

So sharpen your pencils and grab a chunk of aloe plant, cause here we go!

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It Finally Made it to Print, Whew! What a Ride. Check Out “Terminal Core”

TERMINALCORE FC“Terminal Core” is now available for sale at Amazon, Christopher Matthews Publishing and other fine booksellers. Please visit my website http://www.lynnsteigleder.com  for more information on “Terminal Core” and my other novels. You can also sign up to receive updates on books, blogs and other happenings in my upside down twisted world of writing. I look forward to hearing from you.

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It Ain’t Over Till the Fat Manuscript Screams, “Its Over!”

'Can you redo this manuscript, John, and make it less stupid?'

‘Can you redo this manuscript, Lynn, and make it less stupid?’

If you read my blog last week and the week before, you’ll know I’ve been hashing out a novel back and forth with my editor trying to get it to the printer.

As I have mentioned, I thought we were done and the last copy I sent the publisher would be it. Now, one more thing I said, tongue in cheek, was having to read the manuscript another time.

Another thought that comes to mind (one also brought forth in my last blog) is I’ve read the book probably thirty times, including last week, the week before and probably the week before that.

Well, wonder of wonders, I received an email from my publisher saying the manuscript has been sent to the printer and now we have a proof.

Guess what? I get to read the proof (just another name for a finished manuscript), one more time.

Once I have completed this task (as long as nothing goes awry), we will actually go to print.

I cautiously say, “Hallelujah! I’m done and ready for the next!”

I hope I haven’t bored you to tears with this never-ending story but I felt it was something I needed to scrap off my chest…you know, cathartic.

Of course, this is determined by what the proof says.

Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Until next week, happy trails and whip them cantankerous manuscripts into shape.

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