Tangled in a Web of Lies and Deceit, This Eight Legged Creature Plays a Deadly Game of Eat or be Eaten…or Not

Looking outside today, I noticed what we used to call as children a “writing spider.” In actuality it was a garden spider. This beautiful arachnid boasts a bright yellow and black abdomen, an orange head and long slender black legs. I often wonder at God’s creation, its beauty and splendor made for us to enjoy.

As a young lad staring out my bedroom window one fall, I could have sworn a writing spider spelled my name within its web…curious. Could this have been nature’s way of letting me know my calling prior to the actual call of becoming a writer?

I have no way of knowing; however, it is a tad enlightening if and when I choose to ponder such a silly notion. In fact, the older I become the more ridiculous the whole scenario seems. If I were of a mind to, I’d have myself committed to the ludicrous writer’s asylum…but enough of me.

Back to this wondrous spider. I find it fascinating that the juvenile garden spiders are able to spin webs without mommy or daddy’s help. Do you realize that’s equivalent to a six month old human child riding a bike without training wheels?

…Do the training wheels really matter at that age?…I think not. What a silly thing to say, but I shan’t erase it due to the evidence needed to gain entrance into the asylum.

And what I really find fascinating is the male spider’s determination to copulate. This unwavering horny toad very often reaches its intended malnourished and exhausted dying after it does the deed.

“What a way to go,” some would say.
I favor, “Live to copulate another day.”

Toodles!

2016 Science Fiction Novel Release, Rising Tide Series on Sale

Hello all,

I have a science fiction  novel unrelated to the “Rising Tide” series  being released  during  the first part of 2016, “Terminal Core.” More to follow.

I am re-posting information on the “Rising Tide” series on  sale until the end of December.

The “Rising Tide” series, including book one, “Rising Tide”:

Another blast ripped through the Orion cutting all power and knocking him to the floor. Ben lifted himself off the deck and found it was impossible to stand. He crawled to the COM panel. “Marty! All systems down! All systems down!” he repeated. A category six hurricane above and the habitat below, he just left destroyed by the blast, Ben finds himself alone in a decompression chamber.  In Rising Tide, Lynn Steigleder depicts a world slowly being covered by the seas.

 

And book two, “Eden’s Wake”:

Ben’s best friend is killed in an underwater implosion on a dying world. Living to die again, the two men reunite and battle for an ancient artifact, a relic which will ensure this planet’s survival. Ben crosses a threshold. The world he leaves—doomed; the world he enters—reborn. His wife, Eve, and their bumbling charge, Eleazor, follow Ben through the doorway and blindly into the void.  They continue their adventure battling a menagerie of creatures  bent on destroying the group and their faith.

 

Both novels in the ebook  format will be on sale for $1.99 on Amazon and  http://christophermatthewspub.com from now until the end of December.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving  and GOD Bless.

Lynn

Werds r Not Diffacult to Spel; u Just Need to No How it is Dun

Why? All I want to know is why? No one seems to know and no one seems to care, but as a writer, I have a very small pool with which to draw from.

I’m talking about words. So many that we use are worthless or at best, lazy, and we’re the culprits that allow them to get away with this travesty of literary injustice.

For instance: The letter “X.” The majority of words that begin with the letter “X” are pronounced as if they began with a “Z,” such as Zylophone, Zanadu and Zanthophyll. The only word that needs an “X” is x-ray, so let’s do the prudent thing and change it to Z-ray. Problem solved and a 25 word alphabet introduced.

Let’s investigate a little thing called phonics. Phonics is spelling the word as it is pronounced. Hmm…we seem to have a problem before we get started. Shouldn’t phonics be spelled fonix? I think we’ll stop our fonix studies right there.

Why do we spell some words in such a ridiculous fashion? It’s like we’re going around our elbow to get to our thumb. Case in point, why do we need a “B” on the end of thumb? Or for that matter, words that end in “EAU,” we can save two letters by just using an “O.”

Why is the word “minute” meaning sixty seconds on a clock spelled the same as “minute” meaning something very small?

How can I read it if I’ve already read it?

If we’ve got the letter “F” to make an “F” sound, then why do we need “PH”?

Could we exchange the suffix “IGHT” for “ITE” such as lite, nite, frite and the like.

Do we really need a “L” in could and would?

These are just a few examples of the dilemma I face each day. Can someone please pull me from this endless pit of mindless letters lest I sink further into the depths of literary despair?

Alas, exhaustion overtakes my very soul. Please allow these concepts to abide within your heart for a wayward letter is a terrible thing to waste.

Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Trod, and I Ain’t Kidding

I wrote a book not knowing why or who,

It’s something I thought I’d never do.

After sixty thousand words and twelve months of time

I finally had a manuscript that I could call mine.

I jumped up and down with joy in my heart,

I did it! I did it! I began to impart.

I’m finally an author, a writer you see

and then someone shook a wise finger at me.

Slow down, young one, what you’ve done is quite good,

but allow me to tell you the vile truth if you would.

Penning your book is ten percent of the mix

but we mustn’t stop there til we’re deep in the fix.

Edit, yes edit, I say it again,

edit’s the next thing you’ll tackle in vain.

Do it like this without nary a change,

once you’re complete you’ll do it again.

You’ll do it and do it, no reason or rhyme

and after you’ve done it… do it one more time.

That noun don’t go here, that verb don’t go there

in fact they’re forbidden to go anywhere.

The only grammar allowed in this book

is dangling participles and regurgitated looks.

I wrote and I wrote till my body was sore

and then I was told, “I must do a bit more.”

The edits aren’t right beginning page one

and the further I check these rewrites ain’t done.

You’ll have to redo

the preface to start;

if the book’s incorrect where it begins

we’ll redo this book from beginning to end.

After three short years the rewrites were done,

my publisher’s happy it’s now time for fun.

The day of release is coming up quick;

it requires a knife the excitements so thick.

And now that the book sets high on a shelf,

available online and everywhere else

I noticed I’ve sold one copy to myself.

And then the wise finger that stopped me before,

said hold on young author there’s still so much more.

Before you sell thousands of books you must learn

there’s a word you’ll engrain in your head like a worm.

Marketing is what you must tackle next,

it’s not really hard it just takes a knack.

This knack will cause you to pull out your hair

only after it’s gray, but it shan’t stop there.

Multiple computers will meet untimely demise

as you sift through the wreckage of ideas unrealized.

How do I bring my book before those

who would purchase and read it leaving stellar reviews.

Then suddenly it came to me with a bound

the answer I knew I had finally found.

Yes that was it, it would work and not fall

I would take over a bookstore with weapons and all.

Then folks would buy, they’d be happy to you see,

for the encouragement needed is a bullet and me.

I would sell and sell and sell even more

for the buyers would gladly empty the store.

As I sit in my cell doing my time

I learn that my book is doing real fine.

Because of my antics the interest piqued

and I sold millions of copies in a couple of weeks.

I’m writing a sequel that I hope will be done

by the time I exit this institution.

The food ain’t too bad and the hours are good,

I’m getting more than enough sleep than I should.

The writing is fun and the editing I’ll do,

but when the marketing comes up I’m leaving that to you!

C’mon, Try It You’ll Like It

We’re beginning to get the last vegetables of the 2015 growing season. Quite a few cherry tomatoes are still left to be had. They’re patiently waiting their turn to be plucked, lightly salted, masticated (while lovingly traversing the taste buds) and swallowed, leaving the senses wanting more.

Then, there is my favorite fruit of the vine, the majestic hot pepper. To put it mildly, I simply adore hot foods. Let me clarify. During the summer I raise hot peppers and normally eat at least one with each meal. Breakfast tends to be kind of iffy; however, it does lend itself to a good mouth scalding. Kinda gets the blood flowing first thing in the morning.

I didn’t check this year, but last summer for dinner alone I ate nearly one hundred cayenne peppers. As much as I like heat, I’m not into searing pain. I don’t eat habanero or ghost chilies raw with a meal. I do enjoy beginning my day with a couple tablespoons of hot pepper sauce. People entertain the idea that I maybe suppressing some hidden mental problems.

As I was saying, the hottest peppers I eat raw are jalapenos, cayenne and tabasco and believe me, they light a fire from my lips until they exit. This scenario I like to refer to as “hurts so good.” Eating hot peppers are not only good for you but they release endorphins which are the chemicals that float around in your brain making you feel good.

Capsaicin is the oil inside of each pepper that causes that wonderful burning sensation in your mouth. It is measured in Scoville units which when first devised by Wilbur Scoville in 1912 measured how many units of sugar water it took to relieve the pain of one unit of each particular hot pepper.

For instance, jalapenos register at 3000 to 5000 Scoville units. Cayenne peppers up to 30,000 S.U. Habaneros 300,000 or more S.U. and our friend the ghost pepper can register a head busting 1.4 million S.U.

The process of measuring the heat in peppers has become more accurate and up to date since first conceived in 1912, but in honor of Wilbur the name Scoville units was retained.

To cross capsaicin with the art of writing, I would hope that my novels would contain one of the more volatile levels found in the hottest of peppers. I write science fiction, fantasy, and
adventure. I try to keep my writing fast-paced and full of action.

Bell peppers contain no capsaicin and several others have minute amounts. I shy away from writing in this style, that way my readers and I have a better chance of saving the yawns until bedtime where they properly belong.

In a word, we all write differently and not everyone enjoys the magnificent carnage received from a fiery vegetable stick.

Keep writing and maybe, just maybe, you’ll decide to make the harmonious connection between your novels and that addictive little slice of heaven, the hot pepper.

Go ahead, try it; you’ll like it… I promise.

See ya in the funny papers and you can bet I’ll be waiting!

Sometimes you Pay, Sometimes you Don’t. Either Way Is Acceptable i.e. It’s All Good!

Reading a novel  that pulls you in;  bringing with it intense enjoyment… $15.95

Sharing said novel with friends, gladly propagating the joy… free

Writing a novel, publishing, marketing and selling one copy…Priceless

 

Don’t Get Caught Readin’ No Ugly Book; It Just Ain’t Proper

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” When you think about it, these words don’t hold water.

“What?” you ask. “Why is this strange man stomping a cliché I’ve heard and believed since I was but a wee lad/lass?”

As we ponder this silly notion, cut through the myth, and get right down to the nitty gritty, we have to be honest with ourselves and those around us.

If we walk into a bookstore with a particular book to purchase and nothing else then the same rings true… maybe.

If we walk into the same bookstore with perusal on our mind then the cliché flies…no rockets out of the window.

Here’s where your honesty brings it all together. How many times have you purchased books after the cover caught your eye?

Check the back matter and there you have it, “a book judged by its cover.”

Now if you refuse to budge from this outdated saying of yore, I guess you read a lot of dark brown books and your library is ugly, boring and sad, even if the words between the ugly covers are exemplary.

The choice is yours, read what you like, like what you read, or vice a versa in reverse.