Monthly Archives: September 2013

Ah, The love of a stranger

I have often mentioned how much I enjoy writing as I pen the various posts in my blog.

The same rings true with the one I am now working on. I guess I could say writing gives me that

Love ? I love love love you.

(Photo credit: @Doug88888)

warm and fuzzy feeling  not unlike the folks that care deeply for our welfare and prove

this notion by wonderful gift offerings. 

            Case in point: 

 I turned my television on and, what do you know, someone thought enough of me      that they offered $90.00 worth of skin care products for only $19.95.  Wow!  …and all this from a total stranger. 

 Then out of the blue, another caring individual was eager to sell me $180.00 worth of fitness products for only $29.95.  Boy, is this my lucky day or what?

 Then wonder of wonders, just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, a total stranger, for whatever reason, showed their genuine concern for my ability to hear.  They were actually going to sell me a product that I could shove in whichever ear I chose for only $60 bucks. 

 Now I want you to stay with me on this one, because you are not going to believe it; they actually cut the price in half before I could pull out my credit card. This is where it really gets weird…they offered a second device for the same price! 

 When I finally came to, I quickly ordered the skin care products, fitness items and even though my hearing is fine, I just couldn’t resist these two tempting devices (and just in case I didn’t mention it, they fit in any ear I choose to cram them in).  

 So now, having been fortunate enough to stumble across these three wonderful products for which I would have gladly paid triple the price, I can actually hear my skin growing softer. And my fitness product, well once I get it put together, I have no doubt that it will make some type of noise that only I, with my super hearing, will be able to decipher. 

 And to think, it only costs $190.90 and $300.00 shipping. 

 What a bargain!

 

 deeply for us

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Anyone for Dessert?

A Holstein cow with prominent udder and less m...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing has become a healthy obsession and a new vocation that I more or less fell into.  There’s just something about sitting down in front of a blank sheet of paper that empowers me; not in an evil creator fashion that gives me the power of life, death, but more like a sense of  satisfaction. It’s something that I do from the time I get up until the time I lay my cute little head down to sleep. 

Novels, novellas, short stories, long stories, it doesn’t matter.  All are fodder for this ravenous author.  I guide myself and the companions within my imagination through all sorts of adventures, dangers and just down right good times, and through these journeys I have learned that things are not always as they seem.

That being said, this is probably the most unusual segue that you have ever experienced, but for some reason it works for me. Perhaps it’s just my misshapen head that exudes deformed brain waves. Or maybe it just is what it is. For whatever reason, I’ve spent enough time on this introduction and now I invite you to join me as we delve into the world of unsweetened sweets.

Our first subject is the horse apple:

This particular strain of fruit goes by many other names but in actuality it is equine excrement. And as they say, a turd by any other name is still a turd, although these particular turds are genuinely useful. They’re used around the world to manufacturer bricks, to cook food and heat homes. They are said to burn hotter than seasoned wood (although I don’t believe I would hold my marshmallow directly over the fire).

This brings me to our second offering, the cow pie:

You guessed it. It’s bovine excrement. We will dispense with the “turd by any other name” statement.  Not only can the cow pie immolate the horse apple, but it is also used as a thermal covering for walls, a mosquito repellant (and before you start thinking that it’s applied to the skin, it’s actually burned because the smoke keeps those aggravating little blood suckers away). Since 1970, Oklahomans have been drying cow pies and turning them into organic Frisbees for an annual cow chip throwing contest. 

And now for the big finish. The rabbit pellet:

What can we say about the lowly rabbit turd? Two things, actually. It’s called a pellet when it goes in as well as when it comes out, and it also looks pretty much the same way when deposited as it did when ingested. 

So what have we learned today?  Horse apples are good, cow pies are very good, and rabbit pellets are worthless.  Remember: Just because it’s called a pie, you may want to check the filling before you dig in. 

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Are We There Yet?

Κεφάλια, Mugil cephalus, Flathead grey mullet

grey mullet (Photo credit: dimsis)

I just returned from the second great American pastime, “vacation.” Ah, a week at the beach, what could be more relaxing? I had a chance to do some writing. I also came up with an idea for my next book.

Seven full days of good food, wonderful family, including my mother and father-in-law, a son and daughter complete with spouses, my magnificent wife and our fifteen-month-old little slice of heaven. The family’s first grandson, none other than the, “I’ve got everyone wrapped around my little finger,” the one and only, Lil’ Ed.

The weather was absolutely perfect. The water an emerald green, and prime for swimming. My son even caught a nice sea mullet. What could be better than a week of sand, surf and, well, just great stuff?

Let’s backpedal a few steps and see exactly what it takes to create a magical week such as this.

We book our accommodations a year in advance, in order to procure our desired property. Two days before departure we (and by we, I mean my wife) begin to pack. Now it will be easier and consume less paper to tell you what we don’t pack as opposed to what we do. With that being said, the list goes as follows: refrigerator, oven, toilets and various sinks.

After the necessary items are gathered they must be loaded……………………………………………………………… Now that the vehicle is loaded and everyone is hot, sweaty and worn out; we board the personnel carrier and settle in for a short five and a half hour drive.

We’re there! All we have to do is unload, but this time we get to climb stairs…………………………………….

The house that we have rented for a week is finally full of our stuff. In a few short hours our stuff will be spread about so that it is just like home.

It’s almost time for our vacation to begin only one more thing to go, food. A quick three-hour jaunt to the grocery store, and now we can play, eat and everything… Only right now we’re too exhausted… maybe tomorrow.

A good night’s sleep and we’re ready for anything. This goes on for six straight days and once again it’s time to round up our stuff. The morning of our departure we pack our vehicle, only this time we are assisted by gravity due to the fact that stairs also work going down.

We’re finally loaded and ready to head home. Five and a half short hours later we pull into our driveway. Once again we unload our vehicle. And by four o’clock in the morning all of our stuff is right back where it was a week earlier.

Even though I had a great time and enjoyed spending time with family, I’m forced to ask myself this question: why do I unload my house, pack it in my van, take it on the road to another house, pack it into that house for a week, pack it back into the van, take it on the road one more time, only to end up where I started and all my stuff back where it started?

I’m entirely too tired to even consider an answer. And knowing that I will do it all over again next year, I choose to defer and go to sleep.

Good night!

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, Even if Sometimes the Beholder is Blind.

English: Logo of the Declaration for Healthy F...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I begin a new work, be it a novel, short story or a blog, I sit in front of a blank sheet with a vague idea and commence to tapping on the keys. Artistry comes in many forms, from the written word to masterpieces on canvas.

It’s true that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I for one like to see a picture that looks like a picture. Not splatters of paint, irregular shapes with alternate meanings or women with four boobs.

With a little thought, we can take the few items I have mentioned and apply it to our world today.

For instance:

The shape of women, down through history, in most paintings depict protruding bellies and plump bottoms. Don’t hold me to this, but it seems that if that’s the way women were portrayed then that’s the way they were seen as desirable.

Fast forward several centuries in to the photographic age, and we find a complete turnaround. Women with flat stomachs, tight buttocks and now we’ve traded in four smaller boobs for two big ones.

Now, if we look around we see that most women fit somewhere in between the first description and the last.  We know what it takes to look like ladies of old.  Shall now we delve into what it takes (according to television) to look like the modern, more desirable woman?

It seems you can eat what you want as long as you take a pill.  This pill seems to work, giving the recipient the perfect body as desired. After a while though, it seems like this pill will cause damage to certain organs and is removed from the market.

Before long another pill arrives on the scene which allows the dieter to indulge in delectable foods and still attain the perfect body of today.  Oops!  Here comes the organ damage again.  No matter.  We’ll change the formula and start all over again.

Now there’s one thing I can’t wrap my poor little head around.  I’ve seen the meat wagon chasers (some call them personal injury lawyers, I prefer the former) jump on nearly every drug including analgesics and denture cream, but never attack the perfect body pills.

I believe we would be much happier if we ate healthy food, exercised and cut our self a little slack in the looks department.  Be happy with yourself the way you are and spend your time helping other people.

Remember:

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit out in a boat and drink beer.

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