Tag Archives: squirrels

The Season Of The Nut Job

Well, it’s that time of year again, and I’m not talking about fall, even though we are in the middle of autumn. Where I live, we have a season within a season and we call it, “The Season of The Nut Job.” Let me explain.

In my front yard grows an abundance of oak trees. Beginning in October, acorns start to fall. Now, when I say acorns start to fall, I’m sure you immediately think, “What’s the big deal about a tiny nut such as an acorn dropping from a tree?” What you don’t understand is these nuts have a mind of their own. They don’t drop one here, one there, plink, plink, plink. No, they drop by the bucketful.

It honestly sounds like foot-falls across our roof. Park a car in this danger zone, and it will remind you of someone playing a desperately out-of-tune xylophone.

A hard-hat is required to stroll through the front yard without receiving head trauma. Once you acquire your cranial protection to move through this area with reasonable safety, you must prepare to walk as if you were stepping on marbles. If by the end of your jaunt you have made it safely (side stepping bodies of the unlucky ones) to the mailbox and back to the front porch with minimal damage, you may count yourself among the fortunate.

The squirrels, of course, love the deluge of protein sent their way to enjoy during the upcoming cold winter months. If you take a notion to find out what an acorn tastes like, and it doesn’t kill you, please let me know. I’d have enough food to last me till the cows come home . . . of course, that’s another blog.

Have a great week and may God bless!

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Filed under On writing

Go Ahead and Laugh at Yourself; Everyone Else Does

poster215big-651x1024Occasionally, I’ll lighten up and dabble in the genre of humor. My last attempt was a novella about a young married couple with kids out to remodel their home on their own.

Now as you conjure this scenario in your brain, you begin to see that this very action is fraught with danger; however, we know all too well that fools rush in where angels fear to trod.

This being said, some folks failed to get in line when the protective mechanism of fear was handed out. This not only leads to bad behavior and by this I mean things like standing on a golf course during a  thunderstorm holding a lightning rod.

Perhaps checking the tension on your alternator belt while the engine is running (I know someone who lost weight doing this) is not the ideal time to perform this particular maintenance. The person in question didn’t drop a lot of weight, just the end of two fingers.

This can also lead to completely inaccurate statements, such as: cat nap. If you’re not familiar with feline habits, they can sleep up to 22 hours each day…just a bit more than a nap.

I don’t own a cat, but I have had a child and the statement “sleep like a baby” totally befuddles me. Children should sleep closer to the way cats nap and cats…I really don’t care what hours they keep.

And last but not least, why would anyone venture out and spend good money to have what is known as a motivational speaker blow smoke up your shorts?

I guess spending money to feel marginally better as someone spews streams of nothing at you is acceptable in some circles.

See what happens when you venture outside of your genre, heartache, nothing but heartache.

Think I’ll spend the weekend polishing up on my motivational speaking. There’s a depressed family of squirrels in my backyard that keep chewing wires and gas lines off my vehicles. So far they’re into me for over $1500 bucks. I’ve almost got them convinced to jump off the top of the highest oak tree in our yard. At least I’ll get some meat for my trouble.

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Filed under On writing