Tag Archives: Poetry

Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Trod, and I Ain’t Kidding

marketing

I wrote a book not knowing why or who,

It’s something I thought I’d never do.

After sixty thousand words and twelve months of time

I finally had a manuscript that I could call mine.

I jumped up and down with joy in my heart,

I did it! I did it! I began to impart.

I’m finally an author, a writer you see

and then someone shook a wise finger at me.

Slow down, young one, what you’ve done is quite good,

but allow me to tell you the vile truth if you would.

Penning your book is ten percent of the mix

but we mustn’t stop there til we’re deep in the fix.

Edit, yes edit, I say it again,

edit’s the next thing you’ll tackle in vain.

Do it like this without nary a change,

once you’re complete you’ll do it again.

You’ll do it and do it, no reason or rhyme

and after you’ve done it… do it one more time.

That noun don’t go here, that verb don’t go there

in fact they’re forbidden to go anywhere.

The only grammar allowed in this book

is dangling participles and regurgitated looks.

I wrote and I wrote till my body was sore

and then I was told, “I must do a bit more.”

The edits aren’t right beginning page one

and the further I check these rewrites ain’t done.

You’ll have to redo

the preface to start;

if the book’s incorrect where it begins

we’ll redo this book from beginning to end.

After three short years the rewrites were done,

my publisher’s happy it’s now time for fun.

The day of release is coming up quick;

it requires a knife the excitements so thick.

And now that the book sets high on a shelf,

available online and everywhere else

I noticed I’ve sold one copy to myself.

And then the wise finger that stopped me before,

said hold on young author there’s still so much more.

Before you sell thousands of books you must learn

there’s a word you’ll engrain in your head like a worm.

Marketing is what you must tackle next,

it’s not really hard it just takes a knack.

This knack will cause you to pull out your hair

only after it’s gray, but it shan’t stop there.

Multiple computers will meet untimely demise

as you sift through the wreckage of ideas unrealized.

How do I bring my book before those

who would purchase and read it leaving stellar reviews.

Then suddenly it came to me with a bound

the answer I knew I had finally found.

Yes that was it, it would work and not fall

I would take over a bookstore with weapons and all.

Then folks would buy, they’d be happy to you see,

for the encouragement needed is a bullet and me.

I would sell and sell and sell even more

for the buyers would gladly empty the store.

As I sit in my cell doing my time

I learn that my book is doing real fine.

Because of my antics the interest piqued

and I sold millions of copies in a couple of weeks.

I’m writing a sequel that I hope will be done

by the time I exit this institution.

The food ain’t too bad and the hours are good,

I’m getting more than enough sleep than I should.

The writing is fun and the editing I’ll do,

but when the marketing comes up I’m leaving that to you!

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Punctuation Punctuation Such a Foreign Word to Me

When you re writing do you ever have trouble with punctuation   I ll have to admit that on occasion it gives me a bit of a tussle   punctuationKind of like a pebble in your shoe   an itch you can’t quite reach   a grand piano falling at a rate of 32 feet per second per second until reaching terminal velocity the moment it impacts your head

You could probably say that grammatically I know sentences from start to finish   They start with a capital letter and end with a period   And before you say anything I never write a sentence that asks a question or in any way implies excitement

In all honesty I do alright with the basics but the other day I ran into something called a dangling participle grappling between a minus A coalesced and fragmentalized through the infinite sum of 2+2 equals the vernal equinox squared twice

Allow me to sum up my thoughts and feelings of punctuation in a poem I have entitled   please beat me with a baseball bat

There once was an author named Lynn
who wrote books with paper and pen
punctuate when you write said his peers with delight
else you re done before you begin

He stood tall against the assault
by golly it s not all his fault
these colons and commas and questionable marks
are determined to beat him right down to his heart

But these cads shall not prevail
my simple solution shant fail
they’ll be no more the wiser when I sneaks up behinds em
and deal the death blow were the sunshine don’t show

And now on the street its high noon
a show downs beginning to loom
the question mark laughs the commas just sneer
each one not knowing their end is so near

Then our hero Lynn makes a stand
with a number two pencil firmly in hand
he erases each line leaving nothing behind
the desperate struggle etched deep in his mind

As he saunters away in the midday sun he sees a small dot attempting to run
he picks the dot up and thinks in advance he shoves the black period into his pants
every beginning needs an end so i ll hold on to this and use it again
as for the rest of you guys you re just dust in the wind

So check out this post it s really quite weird I did the whole thing with just one period.

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