Tag Archives: novella

Go Ahead and Laugh at Yourself; Everyone Else Does

poster215big-651x1024Occasionally, I’ll lighten up and dabble in the genre of humor. My last attempt was a novella about a young married couple with kids out to remodel their home on their own.

Now as you conjure this scenario in your brain, you begin to see that this very action is fraught with danger; however, we know all too well that fools rush in where angels fear to trod.

This being said, some folks failed to get in line when the protective mechanism of fear was handed out. This not only leads to bad behavior and by this I mean things like standing on a golf course during a  thunderstorm holding a lightning rod.

Perhaps checking the tension on your alternator belt while the engine is running (I know someone who lost weight doing this) is not the ideal time to perform this particular maintenance. The person in question didn’t drop a lot of weight, just the end of two fingers.

This can also lead to completely inaccurate statements, such as: cat nap. If you’re not familiar with feline habits, they can sleep up to 22 hours each day…just a bit more than a nap.

I don’t own a cat, but I have had a child and the statement “sleep like a baby” totally befuddles me. Children should sleep closer to the way cats nap and cats…I really don’t care what hours they keep.

And last but not least, why would anyone venture out and spend good money to have what is known as a motivational speaker blow smoke up your shorts?

I guess spending money to feel marginally better as someone spews streams of nothing at you is acceptable in some circles.

See what happens when you venture outside of your genre, heartache, nothing but heartache.

Think I’ll spend the weekend polishing up on my motivational speaking. There’s a depressed family of squirrels in my backyard that keep chewing wires and gas lines off my vehicles. So far they’re into me for over $1500 bucks. I’ve almost got them convinced to jump off the top of the highest oak tree in our yard. At least I’ll get some meat for my trouble.

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Boy! That’s a Lot of Words!

Ah, the written word. I spring from my bedbooks each day, eager to finish the morning’s necessities so that I can continue writing where I left off the night before. I press the computer’s on button with trepidation, fearful that my characters may have become a bit miffed with me for leaving them hanging or in dire straits while I comfortably slept the night away.

Before we go any further I would like to state for the record that I am not psychotic–that’s my other personality, Bob, and he’s afraid of what everyone thinks of him. Me, I don’t care if the little book boogers have an ax to grind or not. Right now, it’s time to get to work.

As I reach for the first key, I glance at the lower left-hand corner of my monitor to check the word count. I pause. Why would I do such a thing? I am confounded at my own thoughts; not to mention, the heckling I receive from my book-bound characters who are now threatening union violations possibly leading to a strike.

“Just try it,” I say. “You’ll never work in this book again.” There, that’ll keep’em quiet for a while.

Now, back to my original question–why such interest in the word count? Could it be that the commercial entities who control the business demand that it be so? I answer my own question with an emphatic, “yes.”

Amidst the grunts and grumbles of my pint-sized page walkers, I delve deeper into the word count conspiracy.

It seems that first and foremost the novel stands alone. Word count can vary anywhere between 55,000 to 125,000 depending on which genre you are writing. War and Peace was an astounding 561,304 words. I’m surprised Tolstoy’s not still writing.

Next the novella will range from 20,000 words to 55,000 words. “Excuse me one moment please.”

“Shut up, you little comic book rejects! Keep it up and I’ll see to it that you end up at the bottom of a slush pile on some editor’s desk in outer Mongolia.”

Sorry about that, my precious little ones are now demanding a raise.

We now have the novelette or long story, if you prefer. We’re talking 7,500 to 20,000 words.

The short story; 2, 500 to 7, 500 words.

The short, short story; up to 2, 500 words.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, up pops another category–flash fiction. This class of literature contains as few as 2 words or as many as 150.
I can’t resist looking in the lower left-hand corner of my monitor. The number tells me that if I were writing this newcomer to the literary stage, I would have nearly completed 230 pieces by now.

“Uh oh, here comes Bob and he’s lookin’ some kinda mad. Now you’re in for it you little pulpwood ingrates.”

“See you next week; I’m outta here.”

 

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