Tag Archives: Jesus
I have a friend who’s been after me to write a children’s Christmas story… I don’t know. Most of my characters have unusual attributes that wouldn’t easily lend themselves to a children’s story. Maybe if that child were the spawn of two maniacal beings?
For this particular friend (who happens to be one of my best buds) I will give it a try, but I ain’t sure she’s gonna like it.
While we’re on the subject of Christmas… are you ready? We’re only about 2 ½ weeks away… Well, of course, you’re not.
Is the sky the limit? Or do you approach the holiday more conservatively? Is it cash on the barrel or “Charrrrge it!”
Are you making that large four-wheel purchase this year or possibly surprising that special someone with that ring finger rock that signals future nuptials?
Just remember, that diamond you’re encouraged to pay three months’ salary for is worth about a dime-a-dozen. The diamond industry is so regulated that they can turn a common gemstone into a rare commodity.
Here’s a suggestion:
- Bash the bottom out of an old soft drink bottle.
- Shape the selected piece on a grinder.
- Polish alternatingly with finer grits of emery cloth until the desired sheen is achieved.
- Cut a piece of pipe corresponding to the size of the intended’s left ring finger (this may be taken from any type of tubing, copper, brass, etc).
Once complete, you’ll have a ring every bit as valuable as its counterpart and maybe more so due to the originality factor. Then, just to reinforce your lack of conformity, slide the ring on her finger and lick her right square on the jaw after she says, “Yes.”
Marketing, marketing, marketing. I need to get a diamond marketing executive working on my book. Each piece of literature will come with a one-of-a-kind engagement ring of my design. I already have the slogan, “Every lick begins with Lynn.” …Nuff said.
Certainly, you have your decorating complete by now. Your Christmas tree trimmed and flashing in chorus with a massive display of exterior illumination. Together, they transmit a beacon to surrounding counties alerting them to your holiday presence.
I remember one year stringing thousands upon thousands of lights. My front yard looked like a passel of demented one legged spiders had descended, attempting to spin one bad web between them. Needless to say, they failed miserably. I believe it was around Easter before the lights were down and tucked away. Once again…nuff said.
Stockings on the mantle, Nutcrackers line the shelves, representations of practically every Santa Claus around the world and a few off planet variations arespread about the house.
A Christmas village fills the entire fireplace hearth. Ceramic houses, angel hair snow, and pine trees add color to the white landscape.
I saved the best for last…
A large nativity scene outside and several smaller ones inside our home depict the very beginnings of a Gift. A Gift that would endure the cross, conquer the grave, and span the ages.
Remember that single great Christmas present, the one you’d been hoping for all year? You rip through the paper and there it is. Imagining the hours of endless fun, you carefully begin to open the box and then it slams home like a ton of bricks. The three words that bring terror to the hearts of kids everywhere. Batteries not included.
Batteries have been around for quite a long time, in fact, possibly as long as two thousand years. A clay pot with an asphalt plug which had a copper cylinder and an iron bar inserted through the plug hanging into the pot, when vinegar or another acidic liquid was added, the device would produce 1.1 volts of electricity. It was dubbed the “Baghdad battery” since it was found in Iraq in the nineteen thirties and the best scientific speculation as to what it was…you guessed it…a battery.
I wonder if the Mesopotamian children woke up Christmas morning (remember Christmas was brand new because Jesus had just been born) tore into their papyrus-wrapped gifts and dejectedly wondered where their clay pots were to power their toy pyramids?
The first true electrochemical cell was invented in 1800. It is now one of the most useful and yet frustrating objects we employ, by necessity, day after day. When we need a size D, all we can find are size C’s. When we want a AAA, AA’s roll out of the cabinet by the gross. When we need a 9-volt, if there were such things as 8 and 10-volt batteries, they would be falling from the sky, denting our cars, which use 12-volt batteries.
One interesting characteristic is that batteries produce DC, or direct current, which means it moves in one direction. If you apply this same principle to the written word, it becomes kind of boring, don’t you think? As you read, you should be able to enter the story in a symbiotic give and take relationship.
Uh oh. The power just went out. Good thing I have a battery back up…Hmm irony. No time to stop and ponder, gotta shut down before the battery dies. Oh great, my flash light is dead. Oh well, it can’t last forev……