Tag Archives: humor
April 16, 2018 · 11:20 AM
April 9, 2018 · 12:56 PM
Our bodies can do without water for a short time. Deprived of H2O, dehydration takes over, we dry up, then die. Down through the ages, if you put it in a nutshell, the way we gathered water is a bit of a misnomer.
When we were hunter-gatherers, we drank from pristine streams originating in the mountains. As we became more civilized and built cities close to rivers, we drew water from the river in the same place we emptied raw sewage. We have names for periods of time such as Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Jurassic and so on. I like to call this water retrieval period, “Stupid in Reverse.”
Today most of the population drinks bottled water. Not so many years ago, I would have laughed had someone told me I would be paying for it. The funny thing about this is, when I tested my tap water against the brand of bottled water we were drinking at the time, the tap water tested superior to the bottled water and by a significant difference. I even wrote a novel, Rising Tide, about a world inundated by water. There was land available but it was definitely at a premium. What it boils down to (no pun intended), is there’s water everywhere–in the ground, the air, oceans, rivers, streams, creeks, mud puddles and pretty much anywhere you can think of (except the arctic which is actually the most arid place on earth with deserts running a close second). So the next time you pick up that cool, clear glass of water, be thankful you’re not drinking from a municipal source a hundred years ago.
March 19, 2018 · 4:52 PM
I had a newspaper interview yesterday. It’s fun to sit beside the interviewer and talk about yourself for an hour or so. Then, after the interview, there’s a photo session. It makes you feel good knowing that something you’ve done has brought pleasure to a stranger.
I’ve been fortunate to have been featured in a number of newspapers, several radio interviews (one of them national) and two television appearances.
The one that stands out (and when I say stands out, I mean stands out) was my second appearance on the silver screen. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2006. I did the interview in question a few years later. I used a glorified walker known as a rollator. I was in the studio along with my wife, the interviewer, three camera men and probably another six people (male and female) milling about. I was required to climb upon a platform that was approximately six to eight inches higher than the floor to participate in the show.
Several people gathered around to steady me, while my wife knelt and helped raise my feet onto the platform. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my pants picked that particular time to fall to the floor. To make it worse, I went to the studio the way I went everywhere, and that was commando. I attempted to call my wife’s name as she was concentrating on lifting my legs. I could coerce no sound to leave my mouth. She finally looked up and we rectified the situation. No one said a word and the interview proceeded without a hitch, although I imagine the story was retold more than once.
You never know what’s going to happen as we pass through our day-to-day lives. But ain’t it fun to find out? It gives us plenty to laugh about after the fact.
March 5, 2018 · 10:24 AM
The Saying Used to go “If you want to write, write.” Not If You Want to Write, Write, Re-write, Edit, Market, Market, Market
As I begin my blog, we are experiencing sustained winds of 30 mph gusting to 50 mph. Trees are falling and power outages occurring around a good part of the state. In case you’re wondering, I live in Virginia. Fortunately, my power is still on, and no, I didn’t knock on wood. I hold a firm belief that if rapping my knuckles against a slab of tree (albeit finished) makes one iota of difference in my life, then I need to rethink my entire existence.
I’m working on a new science fiction/fantasy hybrid that is becoming extremely frustrating. Not because of the manuscript, but my inability to spend time working on it. Here’s where the irony rears its ugly head.
The time I need to write the book is spent on another necessary aspect of the writing biz, namely marketing. It’s not my intention to sound like a broken record or beat a dead horse, but something must be done about this travesty. I have spent many sleepless nights and grueling days pondering this conundrum. After many years of searching, I now have the perfect solution.
All we need do is lengthen our days. It would be a simple task. Change our present calendar to reflect six months instead of twelve, forty-eight hour days and a ten-day workweek. Aside from a few minor tweaks, I believe this would solve all of our problems. Just think, finally enough time to finish manuscript after manuscript, without the marketing beast hoarding every minute . . . at least I think so. What if marketing expands to meet or even exceed the percentage of time it demanded before the change? If this occurs, we’re right back where we started, only with twice the marketing.
Best leave bad enough alone; I don’t want to experience worse.
February 12, 2018 · 10:46 AM
Ifin I had my druthers, I’d write all of the time. Alas, knowing this is a virtual impossibility, I’m bound to taking care of all the other stuff that pops up. Of course, I’m speaking within the parameters of writing and its many aspects.
I spend an enormous amount of time on marketing. When I published my first novel, I didn’t realize this milestone was the easy part. With a thousand or so new titles jumping out each day, how do you get your work before the eyes of the public without this valuable tool?
All right, so I know I have to market . . . what does this mean? Sometimes I wonder if there are as many ways to market a book, as there are books? I know I’m being a bit facetious but there are many methods to employ into your marketing scheme.
My day goes something like this: In the morning, I’m ready to play. What’s the first game? Marketing for Money. I try to limit my time to several hours in order to promote my books each day. What’s the next game? Depending on the day, it could be “What’s my Blog” or to keep my website interesting there’s always, “Name that Newsletter.” Every once in a while I’ll slip in, “Support my Short Story.” Then comes the time of day I actually get to work on my latest manuscript. I call this, “Recess.” When done, I usually find I’m satisfied with the day’s work and fired up for tomorrow.
February 5, 2018 · 10:34 AM
February, February Where Would We Be Without February . . . I Guess We’d Be a Month Short, But I’m Not so Sure it Would Matter
Well, here we are in February. The same place we are every year at this time. As a writer, different months lend themselves to a multitude of subjects to record on paper. March, April and May bring new life, the budding of flowers and trees, the chirping of birds and the lifeline we all love. For without it, the flowers, vegetables and trees would not experience this rebirth. I am of course referring to the sneezing, eye watering, snot locker filling and extra throat drainage we endure due to this lifeline, POLLEN! We huddle inside waiting for the green dust to exit. June through August lend themselves to vacations, family outings and a plethora of fodder in the surrounding foliage, to create all sorts of creatures and little nasties to highlight fantasy and science fiction novels.
September and October bring us the beautiful fall colors; November-Thanksgiving, December-Christmas, January, a new year and February . . . well, February is kinda just February. There is Valentine’s Day. You know that made up holiday where couples feel obligated to buy cards, go out to dinner, pay twice the amount for a dozen roses as you would any other day. Do we really need a day to say, “I love you?” I think we’d be better served using the template for Valentine’s Day without spending the money but expressing the love every day.
January 29, 2018 · 8:19 AM