Tag Archives: humor
August 6, 2018 · 9:40 AM
July 16, 2018 · 1:24 PM
I’ve been writing seriously for twelve years. Things tend to cross my mind that will make me stop and say to myself, “Where did that come from?” Case in point: All the letters I use when I’m tap, tap, tapping away at my keyboard, what happens when one or more of them need to be deleted?
Do they fall into a used letter bin, land in letter limbo, disappear, with a poof into nothingness or perhaps become part of a massive recycling program?
While we’re on the subject, what do we do if our computer comes to the point where it runs out of letters? Is there a way to refill or can your CPU become so antiquated that it is no longer supported by the standard refill program? If you find yourself able to install the alphabet into your desktop, must you install a compliment of all twenty-six letters or can you select the letters you use the most.
For instance, R, S, T, L, N would certainly be among the most often used, whereas B, G, Q, X, Z would most likely never need to be refilled.
In short, it gives us something to think about. You’re on a tight deadline and your publisher wants to see the first draft on Monday. It’s Sunday afternoon and you run out of R’s. See where I’m going with this? I could be saving the collective world of writing from total disaster, not to mention that card to your sweetheart you were unable to finish. At least, give it some thought. The page you save may be your own!
July 2, 2018 · 11:21 AM
I decided to take a break from penning my latest novel, Dalon Con. The story is set on a world called Burrus Plax. It’s a sci-fi/dystopian/fantasy/action adventure hybrid with a heavy dose of time travel.
I was taking this short hiatus from work to indulge in a bit of nourishment. My personal assistant, Brenda, disagreed with me on the amount of salsa that should be scooped into the chip of a similar name.
First, let me explain my need for an assistant. It’s not because I think I’m some highfalutin pretty boy what needs some varmint to get their hands dirty for them. (Kinda reminds you of Yosemite Sam, don’t it?) The fact is, I woke up with a touch of Multiple Sclerosis this morning and needed some help typing (among other necessities).
Now, let’s get back to the important thing at hand. I am a lover of hot stuff when it comes to food. I chose to eat a rather hot salsa, so when it comes to plunging my chip into the fiery liquid, I tend to dip conservatively. My assistant, being unable to ingest foods containing capsaicin, is of the opinion that a scoopful should be just that, a scoop that is full.
Coming to the conclusion that we would have to agree to disagree, Brenda and I crept back into a world full of hair curling, nasty mega-monsters, time snatchers and a dystopian landscape . . . but alas, no capsaicin.
June 25, 2018 · 1:47 PM
I live in the Mid-Atlantic States, Virginia to be exact. In 2018, we have been inundated with rain. During the month of May alone, we received a record 10.35 inches. I’ve written about flash floods, these torrents typically happening on distant worlds, but I never thought I’d be living this water-soaked saga.
The grass gets cut on a particular day, then with all the moisture falling from the sky, it’s needed again within a few days. Most of my vegetable plants are turning yellow, my driveway has gullies deep enough to lose a Volkswagen bug and I’m starting to develop what I refer to as small sink holes in my backyard.
I’ve whined enough concerning the negative aspects of an overabundance of rain. Please allow me to dwell on the positive side. The moist air does a great job of keeping the pollen down. My house has a bit more humidity to breathe which is an improvement over the normally arid climate. The water table is high; therefore, we stay well-hydrated, clean to the power of ten, and we have H2O to wash cars, power wash decks, houses, fill swimming pools and have water balloon fights. So all in all, I guess the deluge of water, evens itself out. Who knows, maybe we’ll start pressure washing each other.
June 18, 2018 · 11:03 AM
I can’t recall if I have an asphalt road in any of my novels. If they do exist, you can bet they are few and far between. I’m more of a woodsy kind of guy. If it’s not dirt, sand, stone, grass or any number of natural elements, including water; then, it more than likely doesn’t exist in my written world.
When I think about it, it’s probably a good thing. Who wants all the pollution, expense, aggravation and high blood pressure that goes along with a nicely paved road? . . .Well, evidently we do. There are approximately 263 million cars in the United States. I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked fellow motorists were rude and getting worse by the day.
Why do we have such a love affair with a mechanical beast that releases our aggressive nature, makes us late more often than not and ties us into knots with the appearance of a tiny scratch? Been in a traffic jam lately? You have to admit it’s a fun time. I can’t think of too many things I’d rather do, other than get mauled by a bear or set my head on fire. If you want to see a real traffic jam, then check out southern California most anytime of the day or night. That’ll get your blood flowing!
All in all, people like their rides. I’ve said this for years and still maintain this position. My favorite thing about an automobile is, “paid for!”
June 11, 2018 · 11:16 AM
Mosquitoes, Vacations, Heat Waves, Meat on the Grill, Tornadoes, Swimming…the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly; Summer Has it All!
I’m sure you already know summer’s back in town. It goes without saying, this particular season of heat comes around each year. I think what we all take for granted are the creature comforts that not so long ago was unavailable to the average homeowner. Air conditioning makes life bearable, especially for those who live in our southern cities from one end of the country to the other.
I can’t imagine writing on an ancient typewriter instead of the modern computer I’m able to use as I pen this blog.
Simple things like indoor plumbing allow us to take frequent showers so that others can stand to be around us. When I watch television and a show I have chosen is a western or something from an earlier time period, I often wonder about the odor in a room full of unbathed people dressed in wool clothing in the middle of the summer; not to mention the saloon girls engaging in their chosen profession. Kind of makes you shudder, doesn’t it?
The season we will officially embark upon June 21st is the summer solstice. It’s the time of year when kids are out of school, vacations begin, fresh vegetables grace our tables and grills throughout the neighborhood pummel our senses with enticing aromas. All in all, summer is a wonderful time of year; just don’t forget to indulge in indoor water and a bar of Irish Spring.
June 4, 2018 · 12:58 PM