Tag Archives: humor

Stake your Stake in a Steak with a Stake. . .Then Enjoy

When I think of cooking, my mind naturally drifts to fire. To my wife’s delight, I would gladly take on all of the cooking duties that arose from an everyday dinner to the most elegant of holiday fare. Even the characters in the novels I write need a meal now and then to stave off the clutches of virtual page starvation.

You’ve heard the saying, The more things change; the more they stay the same. This indeed rings true, although we miss the notion that the more things change; the more they revert to yesteryear–case in point, cooking fuel.

Through the years, the human race has used everything from animal waste and wood to flammable fluid to cook food. This use of less than wholesome means to heat what we eat was the norm for some time. Eventually, electric coils were employed into the construction of modern day oven and cook tops, bringing the ease and a clean way to accomplish our much needed cooking duties inside safely.

So, after these kitchen innovations, why would we grab a bag of charcoal and step back outside to cook meat the primitive way, especially when it took us so long to make it indoors without burning the dwelling down by fire?

Why? I’ll tell you why. One word – –  flavor. Cook a meal on the stove top of a modern oven. You will find yourself dealing with anything from metal coils to flat European burners, glass cooking surfaces to the exotic ceramic. The next meal you endeavor to prepare, start with walking outside and loading the grill with charcoal or if plain wood is your thing fill the grill with dry hickory. Once, whichever you have chosen is ashed over, slap a slab of cow on the searing hot surface. When done to your liking, attack, and you will see why, sometimes, retro, is the only way to go.

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What Happened to the Good Ole Days, When We’d Hand Crank the Ice Cream Maker

I look back through time to the many implements that run on power, from weed eaters to toothbrushes and everything in between. In fact, there are very few devices that do not use some sort of energy to drive their core, making them easier to operate than their manual counterparts.

Electric power in the form of batteries seems to be the fuel to which we are migrating. What used to be driven by AC (plug in) power were the first to go portable. Drills took the plunge from AC to DC with outstanding results. Soon to follow was gasoline substituted with an alternate fuel, the battery cell. As I recall, weed eaters, hedge trimmers, leaf blowers and now, lawn mowers have all succumbed to portable power. Even our most common mode of transportation, the automobile, has finally developed a practical electric car.

In our day-to-day lives, batteries have grown to play a pivotal role. Batteries run everything from watches, to smart phones, heart monitors, pedometers, IPod & MP3, portable DVDs and the list goes on.

We have electric powered railway engines, battery powered submarines,and other industrial forms of transportation that utilize the all might battery. I wonder what they’ll come up with next, cause I ain’t ready to step aboard a battery powered airliner?

If I continue to write long enough, will they come out with a battery powered desktop computers, and if so, will I still require a battery backup ?  Only time will tell.

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“Slo-Mo-Syndro,” Nothing But a Thing, A Significant Thing, But Just a Thing, None the Less

In the years I’ve been writing, I cannot say I have experienced a full blown case of writer’s block, although what has not skipped my sci-fi encrusted brain is what I  call the “slow motion syndrome.”

With “slow motion syndrome,” writing a paragraph will go something like this. In the first sentence there are no problems and you breeze right through.

With the second sentence, there is a definite pause and you must think before adding the last few words.

In the third sentence, you complete half and slowly finish the sentence one-word-at-a-time.

By-the-time-you-complete-said-paragraph, it-has-been-a-slow-arduous-task-to-say-the-least.

I guess one is just about as bad as the other, of course with S.M.S. you can see some progress, even if it is minuscule.

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Demise of the Six Legged Blood Sucker

Many people enjoy life in the city. I prefer a more rural setting. I consider myself blessed to sit in my writer’s room, stare out the window, reveling in God’s creation. It’s amazing how much joy something as simple as a tree can bring, especially when we find ourselves taking them for granted.

Have you ever paid attention to the seemly millions of tiny insects that abound during the summer months? Imagine the creation of the tiny digestive tracts and nervous systems necessary for the survival of each of these tiny creatures. It takes very little thought to bring this concept to beyond mind-boggling.

Of course, you see this time and time again throughout the world we live. So, the next time you step outside and raise a hand (which we will all inevitably do) to swat that biting insect, briefly remember the miracle of creation before you smash the little blood sucker to smithereens.

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Just in Time for Spring as it Rolls Around Again

The seasons change as they are wanton to do and in any season there are likes and dislikes prevalent throughout.

Take winter for instance, there are quite a few examples of places inundated with many feet of snow. I know what havoc a quarter inch of ice can wreak on an infrastructure. Imagine as much as ten inches of frozen water laying waste to parts of Canada. This actually happened in 1998  as a storm destroyed the large steel wire carriers mangling them into heaps of rubbish on the ground.

Summer shares its bountiful rainfall, many times beginning in the spring. Often times unimaginable amounts of water inundate settlements and cities alike as summer forces its way through.

Small but devastating vortexes, with winds up to three hundred MPH (known as tornadoes) rip man’s puny creations to the earth.

Finally, one of the most powerful weather systems waits until this time of the year to rear its ugly head- “The Hurricane.” This monster can be powered by winds well over one hundred fifty-seven MPH. It can produce a storm surge (i.e., a wall of water) better than twenty feet high and sized larger than three hundred miles in diameter that precedes the winds and often is more deadly than the hurricane force winds. Your safest bet caught within this behemoth, are five words… follow the yellow brick road.

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Well, Here it is Again . . . Another Year Older and Not Much Has Changed

I’ve always had a knack for retaining arbitrary knowledge. Most people would refer to this as trivia. I call it, Useless Information. It can be impressive to pull out an obscure piece of data related to whatever you may be conversing about at the time, but it’s still just Useless Information.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have created for ourselves days that equate to Useless Information. Case in point, Valentine’s Day. We have pulled from time an arbitrary day set aside to purchase flowers, candy, balloons, dinner at fine restaurants and whatever else we can think of to celebrate love. Celebrating the affection we have for our spouse or significant other should be done each day.

The next in line to garner an unorthodox amount of time, is a day of comic relief, April Fool’s Day. I know not anything of its origins and perhaps the reason I have not explored this day further, is I just don’t care. To pull an insignificant prank on someone and then scream, “April Fools!” makes no sense to me, so I’ll leave it where it lies and waste no further brain cells on this ill-conceived day.

To properly finish this blog, I will say, “Happy April Fool’s Day!”

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Read, Repeat

You must surely have heard the saying, “…things that go bump in the night.” Unknown sounds can conjure up a plethora of subjects to write about, especially in the horror genre.

I must admit that horror is not my favorite genre, but there’s always room for a “scare your pants off” type of story. For instance, even though I tend to write science fiction/fantasy and action/adventure, I can easily make space for a little horror in any one of my usual genres.

I think this is something you will find throughout the writing world, even in the most popular books of all those written in the romance genre.

That’s right; even in the lovey-dovey, smooch-my-face, world of romance, there is room for some good old fashion killing courtesy of the beast-next-door.

On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be the beast or anything else next door. It could just as easily be the paranormal being residing in your attic or the monster tick, tagging along on the mutt out back.

In fact, a chunk of horror can follow any genre and rear its ugly head at the most inopportune times.

Did you see what I’ve done? I have taken one of my least favorite type of books and made it one that will not only stand out in any crowd but also be taken by most in a positive light. Happy reading to all you new horror fans!

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