Tag Archives: humor
Thinking is Good, but Don’t Think too Much it Can Make Your Thoughts Way too Much to Think About Thoughtfully
Seasons Are Seasonal Not to Say That Seasons Are Seasonable If Seasons Were Seasonable Then I Think Salt Would Be The Only Seasoning a Season Would Need to Be Seasoned With
Gazing out of my window, I felt an inkling to pause writing and share a few thoughts buzzing around in my cranium.
Once again, it’s that time of year. Yeah, you know the one I’m talking about. If you ask anyone, “What’s your favorite time of the year?” The majority will answer, “Fall.” Did you notice how I worked a bit of dialog into the first line of my blog?
It’s kinda my favorite time of year also. Now what I mean by “kinda” is that it’s not consistently on the top of my list of favorite seasons. “What is?” you ask.
Well now, let’s take a look at each season, one at a time.
Spring: The weather begins to warm, the tree buds will soon turn to leaves, flowers bloom, and the entire scene is full of beauty and new life. It is also the time of year my body produces an overwhelming amount of snot, itchy eyes, and an overall feeling that the green dust (oak pollen) will never leave and soon take over.
Summer: Hot and humid. . . . Nuff said.
Fall: Rivals Spring in beauty, with the leaves changing to glorious colors and all the insects (especially the biting ones) breathing their last. All these are great things indeed; however, my nemesis (ragweed) appears enticing my body to produce an overwhelming amount of snot for the second time during the year.
Winter: No heat, no humidity, no biting insects, no snot producing particles in the air. . . . “Get where I’m going with this?”. . . . Looky there, dialog again. No brag; just sayin’.
I guess what it boils down to is–I’m glad I live in an area that I’m able to experience all four seasons. The differences are what make each one unique. In truth, they’re just another gift from God’s creation that we are able to enjoy.
It Seems to Me That Stuff Plays Such a Large Part of Our Stuff That the Stuff We Value Gets Stuffed Away Where No Stuff Should Be Stuffed, Rendering It Useless Stuff
I’ve been toying with a story idea I’d like to run past you. It would parallel real life and go something like this:
Kelly awoke startled by her bed-blaster alarm clock. She slid out of her Sleep Letter Bed and onto her new Lumber Bum apple-wood, pre-finished, laminated floor. Kelly washed her face with Spring Clean, brushed her teeth with Tarter Boom and combed her hair with Spray and Fill.
“There you are,” she said, placing her hand on her newly purchased make-up device. She sprayed an even coat of base with her air brush, followed by Lusty Eye mascara, Double Dip lipstick and a last minute dollop of Pimple Prep.
She slipped into her designer little black dress, designer 6” black heels and headed for the kitchen designed by Likea. She popped four Waste Away Fat Busting tablets, downed a quarter sized Weight Be Gone bran muffin, then headed to work.
Kelly arrived at work sporting her new BNW with no-hands parking technology. She worked until midday designing designer socks with open-toe technology. She devoured an alfalfa sprout salad for lunch and then returned to work designing brass-infused energizing socks.
Completing her day’s work, she stopped by the local gym to wile away several hours in the relaxing grip of top-of-line designer-weight machines.
Back at home she dines on a light meal of no nitrate hotdogs, gluten free bread, organic peppers and onions, organic sauerkraut, organic chili, organic cole slaw, organic tomatoes and organic cheese.
After removing her designer wardrobe, designer make-up, and scrubbing and brushing in reverse, Kelly lays down on her unbelievably comfortable air mattress. As she begins to doze off, an audible hiss followed by her sinking into her bed ensues. “No matter,” she says. “With the lawsuit I have against my diet pill manufacturer, the rodeo clown and those tainted alfalfa sprouts I eat everyday, I’m a cinch to get a settlement that will get me enough cash to afford that cloud-floating bed.
She falls asleep watching her 50 inch HD TV and the soothing sounds of the bountiful items she may partake of and the legal advice she may seek when the half gallon of ice cream she ate everyday for a year causes unsightly bumps in her little black dress. . . “C’mon man,” Kelly says, “its the circle of strife.”
I thought I would try something different, so I spent the last 3 weeks in the hospital in the ICU. After an additional week of recovery, I decided I didn’t much care for the situation I found myself, so I came home. Another week of recovery and I’m ready to resume my blog, spewing humor and off the wall commentary on writing and anything else that presents itself as suitable fodder.
It’s great to be back.
The topic of my blog post this week is something I swore I would never do, if for no other reason than I loathe the subject matter. My favorite genres when I write are science fiction, fantasy, and action adventure. When it comes to fantasy I avoid kings, queens, knights, castles, dragons, damsels in distress and unicorns with extreme prejudice!
Well, it looks like the old saying rings true once again, never say never. And I mean never ever say never because you can bet it will return to chomp unmercifully upon your major gluteus muscles, as just happened to me. I made the mistake of asking a female (my newly acquired daughter) her opinion on the theme of my next blog. “Unicorns,” she said. So here is my offering, even though it manifested into a negative presentation. I’m forming a fact-finding blue ribbon commission to study the feasibility of changing the unicorn name to “Unihorn.” Of course, we could always replace the horn with an ear of corn and keep the name as is. Think about it and just imagine – we’d finally have something (though a bit ridiculous) that actually makes sense.
If you’re wondering about “my newly acquired daughter”, that’s fodder for another blog, but the story is quite a sweet one.
Until next week, Happy Trails!