Tag Archives: humor

Home is Home, Unless it’s Home, Then it’s Really Home!

Some enjoy living in the city, others in urban areas and still others (me being one) in a rural setting, or as some say, the country. I’m surrounded by beautiful oak trees. In fact, when I was writing Eden’s Wake, the second book of the Rising Tide series, oak leaves were the inspiration for creatures called the Narify.

It doesn’t matter where you reside as long as it brings you enjoyment. Things are different for a city dweller than one who lives in the country. Municipal water and sewage compared to a well and septic system for one. Items and services are more readily available in a city setting; whereas, they may be few and far between in rural locales.

Another important item is law enforcement. In the country, we rely on sheriffs and deputies; however, in the city you are fortunate enough to enlist the services of Superman, Batman and the like.

If you’re a gourmet, food is another reason to enjoy city life. It has been my privilege to see a large amount of this country and to have spent time in many of its cities. From the west coast to the east coast and many points in between, I have dined on the finest fare available. All in all by a tiny margin, New Orleans sticks out as one of my favorite food destinations. Although, I’ll admit after a week in the crescent city the after burners are on full mode flame-out. That’s what you get when you are a lover of spicy foods.

We now return to the jest of the post, after my food critic corner. It makes no difference where you choose to live, they both have pros and cons. I prefer trees, fields and the quiet they bring, along with the star filled skies at night.

Enjoy the upcoming week and do yourself a favor. Munch on a few hot peppers and get your after-burners to cranking out the flames!

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If I Exaggerate Something That’s Already Been Exaggerated, Does That Make the Exaggerated an Exaggerated Exaggeration?

Being a science fiction writer, I am able to exaggerate things to the nth degree. In fact, you can say some of my writing is exaggeration personified. I find when creating creatures, exaggerations  often come into play. In looking through the vast majority of my writing, I can see where I’ve spread the exaggerations rather thick; however, in my case, I find it necessary, especially, when the points I’ve exaggerated are believable.

Let’s venture from the world of make believe into our everyday lives. How many times have you heard, “It must be a thousand degrees in here?” Or, who could forget, “I’ve seen that a million times.”? Here’s an oldie but goodie, “I literally jumped out of my skin.” Remember this, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times.“? I could go on and on, but let’s finish big. “I’m gonna hit you so hard, I’ll knock you into next week.”

It’s comical how often we exaggerate in our day to day lives without giving it a second thought, and to that end, I’d like to Thank you for taking time to read this week’s post. Just be sure, “Not to eat anything for dinner that you’ve eaten a thousand times before!”

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Quotable Quotes are Quotable, If You Enjoy Quoting Quotes

“The problem with fiction; it has to be plausible. That’s not true with non-fiction.” ~ Tom Wolfe. You’ll find various authors have said the same thing, and that being “truth is stranger than fiction,” ~ Mark Twain, in different ways as I just illustrated. Who am I, in the scheme of things, to take exception with this hard and fast rule, developed when the world of fiction came into play after ink met paper?

One thing we must remember as we tout this rule is Fiction is a lie, and good fiction is the truth inside the lie.” ~ Stephen King.

I’ve been writing fiction for some time and enjoy the way fiction and non-fiction invariably cross paths. Simply put, “Good fiction is made of what is real, and reality is difficult to come by.” ~ Ralph Ellison.

Speaking once again of simply put: If I read one more quote from an author comparing fiction and non-fiction, I do believe I will scream . . . but will consider this one close enough to an exception to post. “We have our Arts so we won’t die of Truth.” ~ Ray Bradbury

So, there you just about have it, one author to another and vice a versa, then turn it around backwards to everyone else.“Ya gotta admit that was about as long a winded sentence that one could utter and still say absolutely nothing. I should have been a politician instead of an author.” ~ Lynn Steigleder

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Up, Up, and Away . . . Unless You Have Something Better, It is Kinda Dated

The majority of the population takes at least one day off a week. Even though I love writing, I take my author hat and hang it on the coat rack to ready myself for a much needed 24-hour respite.

My day off is quite a bit different from what you may think. To give you an idea, I’ll relate last week’s time away from the workplace. It began, as you would think for any crime fighting super hero, with me patrolling the skies above Richmond, Tappahannock, and West Point, Virginia. My territory encompasses other towns such as Mechanicsville; however, as all the good citizens who populate these areas are oblivious to my presence, the names of the locations are really not important.

On this particular night, I sense in the calm waters of the James River just downstream from First Break, my nemesis who has plagued this city for untold centuries.  I manage to keep the fair inhabitants in the dark as to the presence of this beast, but this thin strand of control is slipping away.

The people of this river city call the monster nothing, for they know not of its existence. I named the sixty-foot long serpentine creature, Bob, mainly because I like the name.

As I search the area it seems as though Bob has given me the slip. This development bodes well, as it means the good citizens of Richmond are once again safe. With daylight on the horizon, another night of patrol is nearing an end. That’s the way the crime fighting game goes. Sometimes ya bag’em, and sometimes ya don’t.

I’ll head back to the crime lab and study the most recent sightings of Bob to date. Although I’ve never actually seen him, I have an excellent image, albeit old, and eye witness reports, that make me think I’ll have this beast in custody someday soon.

So that’s me in a nutshell, mild mannered writer by day, and intrepid crime fighter one night a week.

Ciao!

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Don’t Worry, You’ll Get That Hour Back in a Few Months

Once a year, we come to this place in time. Personally, I enjoy this stage of the year more

so than its competitor, and I believe my view is shared among the populous. What am I talking about?…Daylight Savings Time, of course.  Two states decline to indulge in this extra hour of light that most hold dear, those two being Hawaii and Arizona. The downside to this changeover is a loss of an hour of sleep; however, this deficit is so short it hardly matters after the first day or so.

Moving time around, even the slightest bit, can cause odd behavior. I can’t help but wonder about those who attempt to arrive at work an hour late, blaming this on the hour change of the clock. If they’re not careful, their plan will go array for this scenario only works during the November change to Eastern Standard Time.

However you prefer your time, you can revel in your extra hour of light courtesy of Daylight Savings Time or enjoy the dark of Standard Time. Either way is fine, for one thing is certain; time stands still for no man.

See you next week!

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I Might Just Be Afraid to Sit in That Thing

Have you ever taken the time to notice how many different products are made for our comfort and support our health ergonomically? Why, even the chair in which I’m sitting is supposed to caress my gluteus, soothe the lumbar area of my spine, and treat my cervical discs to a champagne dinner.

We can swing upside down and traverse the country on two wheels in our own home right side up.

Televisions hang from the wall–I mean flat screen monitors–are suspended to further pleasure our viewing experience by relieving stress on the neck.

Keyboards are affixed to articulating arms that will move in any direction including those the operator won’t.

Specialized arms on rolling chairs along with specialized hand grips on every implement from the garage to the kitchen will cut down on blisters.

No longer do we have just a front seat for the family car, for now it is a totally ergonomic cockpit into which we climb to navigate from point A to point B. These are just a few of the items  with which we live in the 21st century to make our life that much better.

Yet never have I heard more grunts and groans or seen more advertisements for pain relief than we have now. For each activity in which we participate there are multiple injuries (mostly minor) with a plethora of cures, from salves to heat packs and miniature electric stimulation machines. Oh well, I guess if we cause it, then produce something to fix it we’re batting 500.

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Time After Time

When the New Year popped up, it supposedly erased all traces of the old year. For my benefit, I’m unable to tell a single iota between the two. And, so it goes year after year. Even though this may enhance a bit of boredom after the festivities of changing from December 31st to January 1st, time remains a fickle mistress as it controls everything we do. You might even say, we’re time slaves.

Time tells us when to sleep, when to wake, when to eat, when to go to work, when to come home. Every task we participate in no matter how small is dictated by the hands of our clocks.

We even allow time to tell us when food spoils. For instance, any package of food in the supermarket will have an expiration date. Let’s say this date is 7-8-20. Does this mean that the food in question is perfectly wholesome on July 7, 2020, but is unfit to eat a day later? That’s what they would like us to believe. (If you are wondering who “they” is, that’s another blog.)

Our kind even puts expiration dates on things that never really expire, and these items are usually associated with the enrichment of oneself such as lottery tickets or sweepstakes of any kind. And, don’t you just know the state that issues a lottery ticket that is never turned in is collectively turning back flips within their borders.

Even our printed money is given a life span and once that time is over, collected, destroyed, and replaced.

Before we had modern day time pieces, we used celestial bodies to give us the time of day. A crude object called a sundial was developed to redirect the sun rays into a pattern that would give early man a sense of time.

Regardless of how we feel, seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, and there still is never enough time.   

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The Year is New, But Where Do It All Go?

Well, it’s the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty. Hopefully, we’ll have 20/20 vision going in and throughout the next twelve months, although we will have to endure familiar oddities.

Weight loss commercials are a common sight on modern television; however, you know it’s the first of the year when you start seeing them tenfold. I never knew there were so many ways to lose several ounces to several hundred pounds. Of course, if you read the fine print you will see something on the order of, “average loss around eight pounds.” And, if you see an individual with a greater loss of weight, you again will read a disclaimer such as, “do not expect these results,” or “results not typical.”

What else shows us that the dawn of a new year has arrived? None other than Valentine’s candy on one aisle of your local Walmart with discounted Christmas candy on the other aisle. While Easter goodies stacked on a pallet in the back of the store are just chomping at the bit to make an appearance.

And we mustn’t forget the out with the old and in with the new that will emanate from every corner of the sales spectrum. This includes cars, appliances, boats, furniture and everything you can imagine right down to the candy corn for next Halloween. Which reminds me that Trick-or-Treat sweets will be filling our stores before long .

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I Hate to Complain but Enough is Enough and Too Much is Too Much

It’s the Monday after Thanksgiving, bright and early in the morning. The sun is shining giving the promise of a splendid day ahead. I am sitting at my writer’s desk penning my blog for the new week ahead and for some reason contemplating lunch which is several hours away.

Why, you ask, would I be thinking of the second meal of the day having only just broken my fast from the night before? My answer to you, as if you haven’t already guessed, is my previously planned fare for this midday meal. Yup, it’s a turkey sandwich, my staple for the past five days.

Fresh in my mind I remember alluding to the cache of leftovers in last week’s blog that would invade my diet for the next week. However, this overabundance of foul fowl may be perceived as pro or con.

Some folks could eat turkey every day if not every meal. For my tastes once a year is quite enough, which is why we have prime rib for Christmas.

I just glanced at the sundial on the wall, and see that it’s time for the 12 o’clock force feeding. To everyone who shares my feelings for eating  one of the smartest avians in the wild . . . when grown in captivity . . . not so much. Hang in there, this soon will pass.

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Hush Up That Snoring Then Get Over Here and Eat

Well, here it is again. That day of days that comes, but once a year. Not just once a year, but once a year in the same month (November) and on the same day (the fourth Thursday). What you ask could be this day? Why naught, but Thanksgiving, where we gorge ourselves on fowl, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, breads, all manner of vegetables, candied yams, cakes, pies, and many more delicacies too numerous to recall. And what do we do after finishing this great feast?

We take a nap, not because of the tryptophan in the turkey as the tale goes, but because of the huge amounts of food we throw down our neck.

Leaving a puddle of drool to mark our bedding down area, we arise to feed again. It’s much like the instructions on our shampoo bottles, wash, rinse, repeat. And just like our shampoo, we may repeat these instructions as many times as we like each day. These meals usually take the form of turkey sandwiches and whatever is left from our lunchtime ritual. Then one day the bird and all the fixins have been consumed not to be eaten again for another year.

Personally, I think we should take a hint from the fare served at the first Thanksgiving. From what I understand, turkey was a no show, but that opens the door for what did make an appearance at this extravaganza which was lobster, oysters and clams. Kinda makes you wonder what happened in the translation of recipes from then til now.

What outshines the food no matter which century you’re in, is spending time with family and thanking our heavenly father for the bounty he bestows on us each day.

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