Tag Archives: humor

As an Author, I Can’t Help But Dabble in the Art of a Wordsmith

As an author, I can’t help but dabble in the art of a wordsmith. At the very least, from the pure nature of the work, I will increase my vocabulary; at most, I can use the “add to dictionary” function to manufacture words at my own discretion.

Of course, words are necessary if one desires to write, which throws us headlong into another conundrum. If you are born and bred in the United States of America, you have no trouble stating and comprehending American style English. If you hale from outside this great country, then Katie-bar-the-door, “cause you in a world of hurt.”

Problematic becomes the word of the day as a nasty little term known as an idiom comes into play. Everything from “go jump in a lake,” to “don’t beat around the bush,” is used to make a totally unrelated point. “Cut me some slack,” and “pull a rabbit out of a hat,” are two more favorites. Now, we mustn’t forget the idiom of idioms, “By the skin of your teeth.” That one will leave a crinkle in the ole’ brain box.

All in all, we find a way to communicate. I recall sitting in the Las Vegas airport talking with a man from France. Our conversation was unique, to say the least, as neither one of us spoke the other’s language.

Another example of our wonderful creator’s sense of humor.

Have a fantastic week and don’t forget to smile . . . you may change someone’s day for the better.

 

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I Do Believe the Past Two Weeks Have Been Slow…Not

I do believe it seems the past two weeks have been slow as far as writing, rewriting, editing or further changing the present story line in my latest novel are concerned. Of course, I know that’s not true for I have enough work to keep me busy for quite a while. Maybe, I feel as though the thoughts I wish to convey to the readers of my blog are too important to pass by . . . yeah, that’s the ticket. That’s the pretense I’ll use to publish this post on useless information . . . and they’ll be none the wiser.

Do you realize that the fruit enjoyed by nearly everyone come summertime is not the fruit we all think it to be? Attempting to pass itself off as cantaloupe, the muskmelon worked its way into our hearts via the taste bud.

Allow me several seconds to sneeze . . . . . . Thanks, as you well know, no one can sneeze just once. It’s those multiple sneezes that get me, knowing my heart stops with each swoosh of air . . . or not. Once again, we are led down a road of deception. Contrary to popular belief, the heart continues to pump blood through our circulatory system when sneezing.

Guess what other ploys of deceit have been thrust down the paths we trod? You do know that a frog will jump from a boiling pot of water, but a frog placed in tepid water and slowly brought to 212° will cook to death in his own stupid.?Slow down a moment, even the tiny-brained, web-footed, amphibian has more sense than that. C’mon, give a guy a little credit. (This was so important; it held ground in an earlier blog.)

 Last but not least, the iconic Hollywood sign is something we have all seen. Whether from a movie theater, the television screen, or an airplane window, the verbiage making up the image at one time read, “Hollywoodland.”

Thank you, for allowing me several minutes of your day. I do so hope you were able to glean a bit of information or enjoyment from my humorous brain blast. As always, have the best week you’ve had in your time on this Earth, and may God bless you and yours richly!

 

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As Human Beings, We Live Our Lives in a Way That, Over Time, Becomes Familiar

As human beings, we live our lives in a way that, over time, becomes familiar. This may show itself in the words and phrases we use, the way we conduct ourselves, the food we eat, and  other ways too numerous to count.

For instance, ever since we were children I bet you called a four-legged, female bovine a cow.  In actuality, said bovine is not a cow until it has  birthed its first calf. After an initial pregnancy, it’s a first-year heifer. Once its calf is old enough to birth offspring, making the first year heifer a grandma then, the first-year heifer becomes a cow. Now, isn’t that just a syllable from being poetic?

I did a post that included the 17-year locust a week or so ago. What I failed to mention, was what most people call a locust is actually a cicada. A locust is nothing more than a grasshopper that swarms, takes flight, and eats all plant life in its path.

How about these for various collections of animals according to dictionary.com:

1. A flamboyance of flamingos

2. A lounge of lizards

3. A bloat of hippopotamuses

4. A conspiracy of lemurs

5. A convocation of eagles

6. A smack of jellyfish

7. An obstinacy of buffalo

8. An unkindness of ravens

9. A business of ferrets

10. A mob of kangaroos

11. A zeal of zebras

12. A shrewdness of apes

13. A leap of leopards

And just in case you are wondering, a mountain lion, cougar, puma, panther, catamount, mountain screamer, Mexican lion, painter, red lion and American lion; along with 30 or so additional names are all the same wildcat.

Go figure, once you delve into things you find out, other things about the things you didn’t expect to find about the original things and for that matter the secondary things  are a bonus because you learned an overabundance of things about things.

Having just celebrated Easter, remember the gift of our savior, Jesus, and what he endured to save us for all eternity. Have one great week . . . as a matter-of-fact, have the best week you’ve ever had until next week!

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Do You Have Any Hero’s That You Feel Are Larger Than Life?

Do you have any hero’s that you feel are larger than life? I know as I write, I can make each character as lofty as I wish or lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. It, of course, is totally up to me for I am the king of this world, and what I say goes!

Okay, I am sliding down off my high-horse to dwell once again among the common folk.

I’d like to relay a story that took place around the World War II era.

John Wayne’s acting career began in the 1930’s. It turns out that Joseph Stalin was a big fan of the Duke. After our cowboy-in-question made a disparaging remark against the Soviet Dictator, it seems that Old Joe hunched a passel of feathers up on his back.

After the initial hullabaloo, Old Joe sent a couple of cronies to take out the Duke, and I don’t mean in a nice way.

The FBI approached our hero, (just in case you didn’t know, John Wayne is the hero), to warn the manly man to leave town to avoid approaching danger.

The Duke would not hear of it. He would not leave to protect himself. Along with the FBI, Mr. Wayne devised a plan that allowed the hit-men to approach the cowboy alone in his hotel room.

The FBI staked out the adjoining room and put an end to the deed before it could begin.

Believe it or not, this story is true, at least this is the way it was relayed to me  . . . so I guess you can take it for what it’s worth . . . or not.

I hope this makes you think how odd this world can be, and that you have learned something new to start the week. Just remember the tale you read no matter how interesting or not, was another bit of useless information from me to you.

Have a great week and enjoy the love of God that pours from the heavens down on His creation.

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I Look Around my Home and am Amazed at the Surplus of Devices That Required an Inventor

I look around my home and am amazed at the surplus of devices that required an inventor, nay, a series of inventors, to build on each other’s work until the product was complete.

When working on a novel, most situations entailed within the worlds I manufacture, use sunlight during the day, or fire once the sun sets, to light the way.

Sunlight brings to mind one of the most famous items ever to wear the title of ‘invention.’ I’m speaking of the light bulb. This valuable commodity in most cases is attributed to Thomas Edison as the lone designer; however, according to interestingengeneering.com, many historians claim that no less than 20 inventors produced various designs of incandescent light bulbs long before Edison.

One of the most important steps making Edison’s invention possible was the work of  the great British scientist Sir Humphrey Davy. In 1802, he was able to produce the world’s first true artificial electric light. 

I don’t mean to beat up on the genius that is Thomas Edison; however, he is the brains behind the think tank of many inventions credited solely to him.

I hope this little tidbit of information causes a wrinkle in your brain and moreover I pray the week ahead is one of the best you’ve ever had, only to be eclipsed by the week after next. God bless and I’ll talk atcha Monday week . . . and leave a light on for me.

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“One Man’s Trash is Another Man’s Treasure.”

Value is placed upon many different things. The old saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” never rang truer.

Some place a great store of worth on the people in their lives, family, friends, and acquaintances.

Others tend to appreciate a nice car, a fine house, or a flashy boat.

Gourmet cooking will be enough to satisfy some foodies. This I know to be true as I fancied myself a chef, learning to cook dishes such as: beef wellington, spanakopita, white pizza, copper river salmon, whole hogs, grilled lobster, and clams carbonara, to mention a few.

Pleasure is derived from music, theater, and a great many other disciplines in the entertainment field.

One valuabled item, the diamond, owes its pricing to the quantity allowed into the market to sell. According to cleanorigin.com, this is attained by releasing only enough diamonds to satisfy the diamond demand, causing the illusion of seemingly lower supply.

Medium.com tells us, “Diamonds are intrinsically worthless.” Former De Beers chairman (and billionaire) Nicky Oppenheimer, once succinctly explained, “Diamonds aren’t forever. They actually decay, faster than most rocks.”

Well, there you have it. I wonder if diamonds are still a girl’s best friend? Being a guy, if I had my druthers, I’d take a soft-shelled crab sandwich over jewelry any day, but that’s just me.

Have a great week and don’t forget, God adores you and wants the best for you!

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Do You Ever Step Outside Morning or Night Just to Appreciate the Beautiful Creation That God has Given Us in Which to Dwell?

Do you ever step outside morning or night just to appreciate the beautiful creation that God has given us in which to dwell?

Occasionally I do, but if you’re anything like me, most of the time you take it for granted. Of the many gifts I received from God, writing is one of my favorites.

Of all the many things, you can do wielding a pen, creating different worlds, characters, and situations are among the coolest. Put that against life in today’s world and you’ll find yourself up against overwhelming amounts of mindless drivel.

For instance, new medications are seemingly hitting the pharmacy every day, some with devastating side effects. On the other hand, television-based, ambulance-chasing lawyers attempting to build a lawsuit out of each one of the potential side effects run rampant.

This stream of drugs is not only repetitive of one another, but also introduced with an excessive frequency. Doctors and pharmacists are the ones primarily responsible for dispersing these medications. These professionals cannot possibly keep up with the ins and outs of each and every chemical compound released for consumption.

Please, understand my point. I think that medications are miracles in and of themselves. I am a firm believer in Dupont’s slogan, “Better living through chemistry.” I take my share of medications and supplements and previously worked for a pharmaceutical company.

It just seems as though we have too many drugs that do the same thing. Not that we don’t need a variety, because we do, but perhaps we should consider if we really need them all.  

Well, go figure. Through penning this post, I have managed irrevocably to confuse myself. With that, I will excuse myself and announce . . . nuff said.

Have a great week, take your medications and regard them as tiny miracles that can cure simple ailments, which would have put you in the grave not so many years ago.

God bless you, keep you and shine His countenance upon you.  Have a fantastic week!

Be sure to keep the Ukraine people in your prayers.

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Chauvin, Who Would’a Thunk?

You’ll have to admit that it’s quite unusual when the meaning of a particular subject turns back upon itself, leaving the original definition a complete 180 from whence it began. Such is the case with the French surname, Chauvin. Who would’a thunk?

According to Tahlequah daily press, Nicholas Chauvin was a patriot in Napoleon’s army. He exuded such a fierce loyalty for Napoleon Bonaparte; his name became synonymous and even means, ‘loyal.’

 Quite a twist from the “male chauvinist pig” I recall hearing as a young man.

Just another interesting tidbit of useless information to begin your week.

May God bless you so richly that your spiritual portfolio splits and doubles two-fold.

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Most Everyone Succumbs to a Good Amount of Water in Order to Bathe Themselves.

Most everyone succumbs to a good amount of water in order to bathe themselves. Even characters in the novels I write take time for personal hygiene.

Do you opt for a shower or bath? I, myself, prefer a shower, not that I won’t take a bath now and again.

Some folks claim that bathing is nothing more than stewing in your own filth, and I suppose that bears some merit. Then again, what makes swimming in a crowded pool or soaking in a hot tub with multiple bodies any different? Oh, I know chlorine is involved, but this swim time chemical is not the end all to kill all bacteria.

Even an idiom came out of the need for bathing, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” This came about from the order in which the family took their baths in the 16th century. The bathing hierarchy was as follows: the father, male children, the mother and daughters, and finally, the babies were last. By this time, the water was so dirty it almost seemed possible to lose the little ones in the sludge. Of course, this was just a myth.

Bath or shower, I believe either are acceptable as long as you don’t attempt to substitute the wedding or baby shower for a bath.

Have a splendid week and remember how much God loves you . . . He gave his son!

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I’ve Found that Eight Hours of Mental Labor is Just as Taxing as Eight Hours of Physical Labor

I was blessed in learning how to work with my hands in the field of construction as a carpenter, in residential and then commercial, climbing to superintendent in both. However, I’ve found that eight hours of mental labor is just as taxing as eight hours of physical labor.

Toiling to build a world and its occupants (demons included) is no different from building a house for a family to reside. So, now that we have established two fields that tucker us out, let’s examine the sleep that restores our energy.

I do not believe there is anyone who has never experienced a fitful night of sleep. According to some of our idioms, “sleep like a baby,” makes no sense at all. What in the world has a worse sleep pattern than an infant, two hours up, two hours down?

Then, we have, “sleep like a log,” “sleep like a rock,” “sleep tight,” and “sleep like a top.” I see where none of these commonplace idioms will result in a restful night of sleep.

And, in the tradition of saving the best for last, or in this case, maybe the worst for last, we sing our children to sleep with a violent tune of injury or possibly even death.

‘Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top,

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle and all.’

No wonder we have an insomnia problem in this country. We’re putting our kids to sleep in the tops of trees and waiting for them to fall out.

Have a great week and may God bless.

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