Tag Archives: edits

Sometimes it is, Sometimes it Ain’t, When it is, It Really is, When it Ain’t, it Really Really Ain’t

I’ve never suffered from writer’s block; nor am I the type to knock on wood after making such a statement. Knuckles against a wooden surface never did it for me. What I have been plagued with from time to time, I like to refer to as the “Slo-Mo Syndrome.” It’s closely related to the, “some days you’re the windshield, some days you’re the bug” disorder.

Here’s how it works. You climb behind your computer on any given day. Pulling up your virtual manuscript, you bid your latest offering, “Good Morning.” Next, you begin to type. Slowly at first the words crawl across the screen. Your fingers heat up as the cobwebs fly from your ears, freeing your mind to spew ideas unabated to your awaiting fingers. On these days your soon-to-be novel writes itself.

When the “Slo-mo Syndrome” strikes, your day goes something like this. You write a fifteen word sentence; then something catches your eye. “Good thing I saw that,” you say. Before you know it you’ve re-written seventeen words from a fifteen word sentence. Once again you ask an unanswerable question of yourself. “How did that happen?” Multiply this scenario by however many sentences you can bare to write and who knows, you may end up with a paragraph you can actually use. Not bad for a full day’s work. So goes the “Slo-mo Syndrome.”

This message has been brought to you by a grant from the Confused Author Foundation.

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Inline, Outline, Sideline, Offline, Online, Reline, Byline, Battle line, Underline, Over line, Thin line, Center line, Line, Line, Line. Just Write the Book.

should-you-outline-your-novelEveryone writes differently. Some outline each chapter so they’ll have a decisive path to follow. Others will have a loose outline from beginning to end in order to retain a little wiggle room for plot changes as they write. There is no right or wrong, it’s whichever method you choose that makes you comfortable. Me, I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, letting the wind dictate my direction. I still retain the right to override any decision and maintain first rights to dismiss the wind and any other nondescript faction that would send said manuscript awry.

If you write like I do (staring at a blank page while an idea ferments and then presents itself), I have a question. Have you ever started a manuscript and within the first two chapters the ultimate ending pops into your head? The only problems are the particulars necessary to round out the climax to an unforgettable event. Hopefully, you can discern all the particulars by the time you hit the last chapter. If not, you’ll certainly have them by the time you finish your multiple edits and rewrites…just saying.

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Door Number 1, Number 2, Number 3, or You Can Trade for What’s Behind the Curtain. C’mon, Let’s Fake a Deal

Well, it’s June 2015, and so far, in the past four days it’s been sunny (these are daytime temperatures), near ninety degrees, overcast and in the low sixties.gamesshow host Today, it’s raining and cool once again. By the weekend, it’s headed for the nineties. If you don’t like the weather around here; give it twenty minutes and maybe it’ll be more to your liking.

I’m writing my blog today to get a break from the marketing work I’ve been doing for what seems like time in memorial. It’s only been a couple of weeks but any hint of sensationalism I can add to my writing always seems appropriate…hmm that gives me a thought.

Thoughts can be dangerous (especially when laid at my feet); so I think I’ll pick this one up and run.

I will make a series of observations along with random multiple choice questions that you will answer at home. When done you may send your completed papers for grading c/o this email address, along with a SASE and a check made out to cash for $24.50 USD.

We all know that marketing is the scourge of the writing experience.

Would you rather:

1.) Edit and market an eight page sixteen word children’s book?

Or
2.) Slide down a mile long razor blade into a pool of alcohol?

Answer:___

1.) Edit and market a tri-fold pamphlet on toenail care?

Or
2.) Play whack-a-mole, you being the mole, pushing your noggin in and out of your septic tank as four men with baseball bats attempt to bash your brains out?

Answer:___

1.) Edit and market a toothpick instruction manual?

Or
2.) Receive a triple root canal with no anesthesia, using an innovative technique that performs the procedure with bobbie-pins through your left ear canal?

Answer:____

And finally:

1.)  Edit and market a matchbook cover with no verbiage or symbols?

Or
2.) Repeat this quiz three consecutive days?

Answer:___

Return this quiz to me with complete payment and I will return your finished grade post haste.

All grades are final as determined by me. Absolutely, no refunds. Transcripts provided for an additional fee. No worms were hurt in the production of this document. Any resemblance to person’s alive, dead, dying or eating worms is totally coincidental and protected by the laws of the literary legal association of Lynn…all rights reserved.

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