Tag Archives: ducks

How Many Times Must I Tell You? When You’re Reading, Keep Your Head Down, Keep Your Head Down, Keep Your Head Down and Eyes on the Ball

foreplayI’ve read bad books, fair books, good books, excellent books and exceptionally great books. The literary world is certainly all over the place. Bad books get published and exceptionally great books don’t. In fact, books of every genre no matter their position on the good to bad scale are published every day. The last time I ran across the numbers, there were several thousand books published each day, which meant over a million each year.

I was taught to believe half of what I see and none of what I hear. The numbers I had gathered just a few years ago said 800 books a day and a quarter of a million a year. I don’t know whose putting together these figures, but I’m going out on a limb and confirming there are a lot books published each year.

I have to equate it to playing golf. In the nineties it seemed as though everyone decided they’d pick up a set of clubs and hit the links. Now I realize everyone must start somewhere, but the game went from a four hour pleasurable jaunt around a beautifully groomed course, to a six hour wait-a-thon.

I heard a multitude of balls hit trees with that famous four letter word to follow. I spent more time ducking than most mallards. I played one course in a city that shall remain nameless where they allowed men to play with their shirts off. Fortunately, there was only one, but certainly not following golf etiquette.

I guess what I’m trying to say is to get your ducks in a row…or your books in the hands of those who wish to read them. It’s a monumental task, but one that I think is worth the work.

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If It Ain’t Broke Don’t Fix It and If You’re Gonna Eat It, Then Make It the Real Thing; No Imitations Please…Just Saying.

jakeswaybackburgerHave you ever been curious about old wives tales, clichés, and repetitive sayings? I have the same interests coursing through my veins. In fact, I have formed a blue ribbon fact finding commission to investigate these series of adages. My main objective is to find the story behind these mottoes, be it fact or fiction.

I am an investigator caring not on which side this search ends but only that the truth be accurately told. On a side annotation, I will be noting my findings and turning them into what will most assuredly be a bestseller.

My first contribution to this list is the notion that rainy days are good days for ducks, when in fact ducks hate rain. Hold onto your britches.

Do you recall the misnomer that flew around for years, “blind as a bat?” Bats actually have excellent vision along with their sonar. Their sonar is so finely tuned that a bat placed in a room with an open window containing a box fan set on low was able to time the fan and escape between the moving blades.

The same bat was able to perform the identical maneuver with the fan turned to medium. With the fan on high the bat could not accomplish this feat, but how amazing that this small creation of God could slip between the fan blades moving as they were.

Have you ever heard someone say (in person or on television), “You can cut the fat and not the flavor?” Well, that’s about the biggest whopper I believe I’ve ever heard. (And I don’t mean with cheese.)

Why would anyone want to cut the fat? You know that fat equals flavor. Don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. I eat healthy the majority of the time, but every now and again I want a greasy, fat laden, cheese covered burger, sausage sandwich or a pizza with grease running down my forearm. We mustn’t forget a slice of cheesecake or a bowl of full fat ice cream.

This of course is all my opinion, but also my blog, so by all means adopt a healthy diet and lifestyle, but take
time to enjoy an occasional guilty pleasure, preferably one that’s full of all the truly good stuff.

See ya next week and wipe that grease off your face.

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