Tag Archives: dog food

Smorgasbord Anyone?

Why, I don’t know, but when a notion jumps out of nowhere and slaps me upside the head with an idea for a blog post,dog food there always seems to be fodder lurking in a past or even recent work to reinforce that particular notion.

I bet I know what you’re thinking. Why doesn’t someone give this guy a handful of periods and teach him how to construct a paragraph using short multiple sentences instead of using one sentence to build a paragraph?

And, my answer to that would be: I shall take it under advisement and please don’t interrupt again.

Where was I?…Fodder lurking… Reinforce… Notion… Got it!

In a recent manuscript, during one particularly harrowing scene, our heroes were about to be ripped to shreds and consumed by a pack of mutated wolves. Before the nasty canines could partake of their bipedal sustenance (meals ready to eat), a boulder, driven by a rogue alien, unknowingly squashes the puppies.  Sounds kind of silly when you say it like that, but trust me, it was really scary when I wrote it.

What brought this work of science fiction to mind was a dog food commercial. Yep, that’s all it took.

In fact, this commercial began by saying all domesticated canines were related to wolves. Then, it went on to explain the animal’s need for protein and declared that their food contained 30% protein.

I’m certainly not qualified, nor do I care to refute any statements made by the manufacturer, but doesn’t it make you curious….how?  “How what?” you ask.

Just sit tight and allow me to explain.

How, breeders have managed to whittle away at a large, pack-hunting animal and in some cases, turn him into a tiny, yap machine or at the other end of the spectrum, a huge lumbering mass of good-natured (for the most part) slobber?

I want you to imagine this scenario…

If a pack of wolves were hunting in the wild and happened to bring down an elk, they would dine on a large portion of protein. In actuality, nearly all protein except for a lesser amount of fat. I guess all that whittling away the breeders did, lopped off 70% of our modern day puppy-dogs need for protein. Of course you can toss man’s best friend a chunk of raw meat or a nice salad and see which one he prefers. Kinda says it all don’t you think?

Enter modern-day suburbia…

You’re a member of the roughest west-side gang, the Chow Down Chihuahuas. You’re out in force tonight and hungry for blood. No sir! You’ll accept no less than 30% protein, 30% starch, 30% dark leafy greens and maybe, just before bedtime, to fill in that remaining 10%, you’ll nosh on a puddle of sardine drippings that ooze from the bottom of the Famous five-star dining establishment Le de Beauvoir house of stench  (mustn’t forget those omega-3 fatty acids).

You spot your quarry hanging out of an uncovered trash can at the Jones’. It’s a partially wrapped, still in the bag, pound or more of rotten deli sliced roast beef. Not only that, but you smell a half-eaten turkey carcass…that heavenly aroma wafting from within the food storage container.

Your unruly crew manages to turn the can onto its side and Katie-bar-the-door…let the feasting begin.

Filled to the brim, you make your way home, push through the doggie door, jump on to your owner’s lap and lick him right smack on the mouth before you settle down for your nightly nap.


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