Tag Archives: Cow pies

Stake your Stake in a Steak with a Stake. . .Then Enjoy

When I think of cooking, my mind naturally drifts to fire. To my wife’s delight, I would gladly take on all of the cooking duties that arose from an everyday dinner to the most elegant of holiday fare. Even the characters in the novels I write need a meal now and then to stave off the clutches of virtual page starvation.

You’ve heard the saying, The more things change; the more they stay the same. This indeed rings true, although we miss the notion that the more things change; the more they revert to yesteryear–case in point, cooking fuel.

Through the years, the human race has used everything from animal waste and wood to flammable fluid to cook food. This use of less than wholesome means to heat what we eat was the norm for some time. Eventually, electric coils were employed into the construction of modern day oven and cook tops, bringing the ease and a clean way to accomplish our much needed cooking duties inside safely.

So, after these kitchen innovations, why would we grab a bag of charcoal and step back outside to cook meat the primitive way, especially when it took us so long to make it indoors without burning the dwelling down by fire?

Why? I’ll tell you why. One word – –  flavor. Cook a meal on the stove top of a modern oven. You will find yourself dealing with anything from metal coils to flat European burners, glass cooking surfaces to the exotic ceramic. The next meal you endeavor to prepare, start with walking outside and loading the grill with charcoal or if plain wood is your thing fill the grill with dry hickory. Once, whichever you have chosen is ashed over, slap a slab of cow on the searing hot surface. When done to your liking, attack, and you will see why, sometimes, retro, is the only way to go.

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Anyone for Dessert?

A Holstein cow with prominent udder and less m...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing has become a healthy obsession and a new vocation that I more or less fell into.  There’s just something about sitting down in front of a blank sheet of paper that empowers me; not in an evil creator fashion that gives me the power of life, death, but more like a sense of  satisfaction. It’s something that I do from the time I get up until the time I lay my cute little head down to sleep. 

Novels, novellas, short stories, long stories, it doesn’t matter.  All are fodder for this ravenous author.  I guide myself and the companions within my imagination through all sorts of adventures, dangers and just down right good times, and through these journeys I have learned that things are not always as they seem.

That being said, this is probably the most unusual segue that you have ever experienced, but for some reason it works for me. Perhaps it’s just my misshapen head that exudes deformed brain waves. Or maybe it just is what it is. For whatever reason, I’ve spent enough time on this introduction and now I invite you to join me as we delve into the world of unsweetened sweets.

Our first subject is the horse apple:

This particular strain of fruit goes by many other names but in actuality it is equine excrement. And as they say, a turd by any other name is still a turd, although these particular turds are genuinely useful. They’re used around the world to manufacturer bricks, to cook food and heat homes. They are said to burn hotter than seasoned wood (although I don’t believe I would hold my marshmallow directly over the fire).

This brings me to our second offering, the cow pie:

You guessed it. It’s bovine excrement. We will dispense with the “turd by any other name” statement.  Not only can the cow pie immolate the horse apple, but it is also used as a thermal covering for walls, a mosquito repellant (and before you start thinking that it’s applied to the skin, it’s actually burned because the smoke keeps those aggravating little blood suckers away). Since 1970, Oklahomans have been drying cow pies and turning them into organic Frisbees for an annual cow chip throwing contest. 

And now for the big finish. The rabbit pellet:

What can we say about the lowly rabbit turd? Two things, actually. It’s called a pellet when it goes in as well as when it comes out, and it also looks pretty much the same way when deposited as it did when ingested. 

So what have we learned today?  Horse apples are good, cow pies are very good, and rabbit pellets are worthless.  Remember: Just because it’s called a pie, you may want to check the filling before you dig in. 

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Filed under On writing