Tag Archives: commericals

Smorgasbord Anyone?

Why, I don’t know, but when a notion jumps out of nowhere and slaps me upside the head with an idea for a blog post,dog food there always seems to be fodder lurking in a past or even recent work to reinforce that particular notion.

I bet I know what you’re thinking. Why doesn’t someone give this guy a handful of periods and teach him how to construct a paragraph using short multiple sentences instead of using one sentence to build a paragraph?

And, my answer to that would be: I shall take it under advisement and please don’t interrupt again.

Where was I?…Fodder lurking… Reinforce… Notion… Got it!

In a recent manuscript, during one particularly harrowing scene, our heroes were about to be ripped to shreds and consumed by a pack of mutated wolves. Before the nasty canines could partake of their bipedal sustenance (meals ready to eat), a boulder, driven by a rogue alien, unknowingly squashes the puppies.  Sounds kind of silly when you say it like that, but trust me, it was really scary when I wrote it.

What brought this work of science fiction to mind was a dog food commercial. Yep, that’s all it took.

In fact, this commercial began by saying all domesticated canines were related to wolves. Then, it went on to explain the animal’s need for protein and declared that their food contained 30% protein.

I’m certainly not qualified, nor do I care to refute any statements made by the manufacturer, but doesn’t it make you curious….how?  “How what?” you ask.

Just sit tight and allow me to explain.

How, breeders have managed to whittle away at a large, pack-hunting animal and in some cases, turn him into a tiny, yap machine or at the other end of the spectrum, a huge lumbering mass of good-natured (for the most part) slobber?

I want you to imagine this scenario…

If a pack of wolves were hunting in the wild and happened to bring down an elk, they would dine on a large portion of protein. In actuality, nearly all protein except for a lesser amount of fat. I guess all that whittling away the breeders did, lopped off 70% of our modern day puppy-dogs need for protein. Of course you can toss man’s best friend a chunk of raw meat or a nice salad and see which one he prefers. Kinda says it all don’t you think?

Enter modern-day suburbia…

You’re a member of the roughest west-side gang, the Chow Down Chihuahuas. You’re out in force tonight and hungry for blood. No sir! You’ll accept no less than 30% protein, 30% starch, 30% dark leafy greens and maybe, just before bedtime, to fill in that remaining 10%, you’ll nosh on a puddle of sardine drippings that ooze from the bottom of the Famous five-star dining establishment Le de Beauvoir house of stench  (mustn’t forget those omega-3 fatty acids).

You spot your quarry hanging out of an uncovered trash can at the Jones’. It’s a partially wrapped, still in the bag, pound or more of rotten deli sliced roast beef. Not only that, but you smell a half-eaten turkey carcass…that heavenly aroma wafting from within the food storage container.

Your unruly crew manages to turn the can onto its side and Katie-bar-the-door…let the feasting begin.

Filled to the brim, you make your way home, push through the doggie door, jump on to your owner’s lap and lick him right smack on the mouth before you settle down for your nightly nap.


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The End

When it comes to ending your novel do you know how it will conclude before you begin?CONSUMER-PROTECTION-LAW Is it because you have carefully outlined the book from start to finish?

Perhaps you outline sections of the book so that the ending will not be apparent until you’ve begun the last section?

Or maybe you fly by the seat of your pants, not knowing what will happen from the time you start until the time you end? (This one works best for me)

On a side note: Why did novels, back in the day, actually end with, “the end?” Did the reader not know they had reached the end of the book when they ran out of words?

All this talk about ending brings several thoughts to mind; the first being–things end.

The second being; if you wait long enough, everything ends.

Now, this is going to seem like an extremely odd segue into today’s topic, but that’s only because it is. And, if you view the topic in the context that everything has an ending, then this entire post will make perfect sense…I think.

Why do commercials portray us as inept and then become our best friends by the time the commercial ends? (Notice how I unexpectedly slid “end” into that sentence)

Case in point:

Watch someone slice a tomato before they purchase the advertised knife. Tomato guts splatter everywhere. Once the manufacturer of said knife convinces you that the purchase of this miracle product will cure all your slicing ills, you will be able to saw through anything (cinder blocks, engine blocks, etc.) and still slice tomatoes so thin, they only have one side.

Example number two:

What does America have an obsession with? Answer: Weight loss. We can shake it away, we can purchase pre-packaged food to eliminate our flab or we can ingest various supplements that guarantee results. Unfortunately, some supplements can cause heart attacks, liver and kidney problems–all in the name of weight loss. Then again, we can slide in a DVD and exercise like a maniac on crack.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that your average American consumer is not as stupid as they would like to think we thought that they thought we thought they thought we were…Once again, I think.

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Filed under On writing