Tag Archives: Bunny rabbits

I’ll Huff Then I’ll Huff Again (Completely Bypassing the Puff) Blow it Down and Dine at My Leisure….With a Bottle of MD 20-20 and Lima Beans

dbb8c9f9cf0ef953be31e53fb01984c5Once again a friend of mine has approached me about doing a children’s book. She is an illustrator and thinks collaboration would be a worthwhile endeavor. This friend knows that I write science fiction, fantasy, and adventure with a considerable amount of violence amongst all the nasty critters that I create for that particular volume. That doesn’t seem to bother her (I’m giving it serious consideration) and she doesn’t see a problem.

I think I’ve got a general outline and would appreciate any feedback from my trusted readers.

Imagine a peaceful backyard nearing the end of spring. A sweet little bunny rabbit cautiously nibbles on the tender grass shoots at the edge of a forest and the beginning of the yard. He moves further and further into the lawn looking for the choicest plants to ingest.

A butterfly flutters down and lands on a dandelion just in front of the bunny.

“What’s your name?” the butterfly asked.

“My name is Zorn. I hail from the planet, Remalac.” The bunny stood on his rear legs and crossed his chest with his front paw.

“Very nice to make your acquaintance,” the butterfly said. “My name is Sparkles. Would you be my friend?”

“I do not understand this friend you speak of,” Zorn said. “However, I do require nourishment for I have traveled many parsecs to reach your world.”

“We have many delicacies I’m sure you would enjoy,” Sparkles said.

“I would be interested in sampling your goods,” Zorn replied.

“Wonderful,” Sparkles said. “I will take you to some lovely—”

Sparkles lurched violently with a sucking sound, disappearing into Zorn’s mouth. He moved toward the house that sat in the middle of the lawn. Inhaling deeply, he blew down the back door and ingested any organic beings within the structure. Screams of desperation could be heard followed by the sucking sound as four of the occupants disappeared.

Zorn stepped out of the back door, turned to face the house, and blew reducing the structure to rubble.

A small burp followed by a “pardon” and Zorn skittered away looking for more friends and snacks.

Now you see the problems that could arise reading such a story to a toddler before bedtime?

I think perhaps it’s time to have a heart to heart with my illustrator buddy. If she still wants to proceed with the project, then what the hey? What’s a few nightmares among friends?

Besides, I don’t think we’d have to worry about a children’s bedtime horror story flying off the shelves.

The book hasn’t been written and I wouldn’t endorse it, but you just never know.

Until next week….

Toodles

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Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave When Sloppy Writing We Conceive

Have you ever written the ultimate scene so exciting that you found yourself on the edge of your seat until the story’s climax? Only now has your cardiac and respiratory functions begun to retugnomern to normal?

It doesn’t matter the genre or sub-genre you write in; whether a battle on the dying world of Kroth or a horse race where the underdog wins by a nose or maybe a heroine is rescued in the nick… no, in half the nick of time.

Or perhaps the garden gnomes smash the heads of all the cute and cuddly bunnies as the precious little cottontails methodically destroy each plant in turn. You may find this murderous rampage a bit over the top, but consider the family’s hard work as they toiled in their garden to provide food for the upcoming year. Now, because of the selfish cute and cuddly bunnies, mommy, daddy and all six children have nothing but dirt to eat. They’re separated and placed in foster homes around the world. Due to a strange turn of events, they are united 12.7 years later. They form a national chain of restaurants that serve cute and cuddly fricasseed bunny rabbit exclusively. The youngest girl shunned the cute and cuddly bunny rabbit restaurant business and became a mercenary. Her specialty: tracking poison dart frogs in South America and under the cover of darkness assassinating them with poison darts.

Once the excitement of that perfectly penned sequence is over; your heart is no longer pounding; and your respiration is at an acceptable level, you pick up where you left off.  It was at this point that I learned a very valuable lesson. I learned this lesson because I did something really stupid. Through three-quarters of the book the pace was good, it kept your attention, it flowed well, had plenty of excitement and then it happened…that sudden attack of stupid.  The group of people I had just plunged into the muck and mire, through page after page of life-threatening situations, barely escaping by the skin of a scraped frog’s fang, emerged hardly unscathed, unbeaten and yes, victorious.

Then, I take these soldiers (male and female), chosen by God, while the reader is chomping at the bit for more action; the masses chanting (in my mind), “What next? What next? What next?

What next?” and I answer that question by taking these champions and placing them back on their safe ship (here’s where it gets really embarrassing) and have them talk over plans and make sandwiches.

Now, here’s where it gets really, really, unbelievably embarrassing. As ashamed as I am to share the details, I feel as though I must to prevent a travesty such as this from ever happening again.

These brave warriors talked and ate the aforementioned sandwiches for nearly 40 pages, and the sad part was that I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was, too, late. In all actuality, it was past, too, late. It had to be brought to my attention…Oh, if I could only flog myself.

My editor came close to having me committed, but settled for a complete psychiatric examination before allowing me to write another word.

Don’t let this become you. Oh, I know you’ve made mistakes, glommed up plots, destroyed story lines and shredded entire manuscripts just to achieve what physically equates to killing a character in the writing world.

I implore you to keep your characters in the moment. Don’t let that burly man slip away and slide into a pair of pantyhose. Crack the whip from the first word until the last.

And most importantly never forget that friends don’t let friends write stupid.

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