Tag Archives: assistant

Is Vacation Really a Vacation or Just Another Way to get Further Behind?

The strange thing about vacations is packing up a vehicle with all your stuff and driving many miles in order to take it to another place. The normal time period you will reside at this other place is a week. Considering you left on a Saturday, this means you will not return home until the following Saturday. More than likely, you have rented a house or condo and will be cooking all your meals. If you’re at the beach, you’ll swim, lay in the sun and possibly fish. After your seven days are up, you will re-pack all your stuff and drive many miles on the return voyage home. When you reach your abode, once again you will unpack your stuff and place it where it resides fifty-one weeks out of the year.

I bring this vacation scenario up because my assistant is taking one of these rituals this entire week. No matter how I have pleaded and cried for her to stay, she will have none of it. She is determined to take time off with her husband and leave me without a typist. What gives her the right to help me fifty-one weeks out of the year, and leave me to my own devices on the fifty-second? . . . Ahh, anyone that can put up with me for as long as she has, deserves a week away, but I am gonna miss her.

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Ah Yes, It’s a Dog’s Life For Me

As a boy and a young man, I always owned a loyal canine. I guess through the years of losing four-legged friends and not wanting the responsibility of taking care of another living creature, I decided no more after my last pooch passed. I was still fond of the noble creature but found that fondness drifting to being fond of what I coined “OPD’s” or other people’s dogs. It’s kind of like the grandchildren of the canine world. You pet them for a while then back to their owners they go.

I’m the opposite of my personal assistant, and yes, I need an assistant because of this guy in a white lab coat who jabbed me in the back with a needle  I could’a spit an olive pit through, then shoved me into a tube two sizes too small that commenced to sounding like someone was pounding on a pipe with sledge hammers, cinder blocks and jack hammers. Then he had the nerve to tell me I had multiple sclerosis. This made my fingers hopping mad, so they went on strike… but I digress.

My assistant owns four dogs. Each one visits their veterinarian more than most children visit their pediatricians. They eat special food and have luxury accommodations for napping. These animals are considered special-needs, four-legged children. One has colitis and the other is a diabetic. She’s still typing, but giving me the “stink eye,” so nuff said.

I remember as a child our dogs would receive no more medical treatment than a rabies vaccination and live a long healthy life well into their teens.

It’s a good example of “the more things change, the more they stay changed.” Not to be confused with “the more they stay the same.”

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How Else Could I Sit Here Looking This Goofy If I Weren’t As Goofy As I Look?

2665ac5bf28edf779a626550f2645249_free-vector-search-secretary-secretary-clipart-pictures_361-425You’re sitting in your writer’s room staring at a blank screen. Your assistant asks, “How do you come up with a blog subject to write about? Do you have a topic in mind or just stare at the monitor?”

“Shh,” you say, “you’ll find out soon enough.” If you were to take this whole scenario and place it neatly into a blog bag, what would be your criteria for finishing the aforementioned blog?

Now, since I just asked myself a question, it seems the next step would be to answer…okay, if that’s the way you want it, then an author should always be beholden to his audience.

Since I now have the blog firmly in start mode, I would begin finding ways to interject bits of humor into the text. I feel it’s important to maintain a lighthearted spirit throughout the piece, allowing the reader a respite from the daily grind, if only for a few moments. Secondly, I would include pieces of interesting information confirming this material was accurate. Then, I would make sure the blog was about writing or loosely based on writing. I use this format simply because I’m a writer and I enjoy learning fascinating blurbs of obscure topics, such as the origin of clichés and the like. And lastly, I’d  make the blog as good as it could be. How do you accomplish this, you ask? Well, for me it works to have my best buddy visit for a few hours and type these words of wisdom for her buddy. If you’re wondering what my secret is, I’ll call her the Sooze.

Please consider this my Monday morning smile from me to you!

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