What’s two Inches Long, has More Legs Than a Porcupine has Quills, Bringing Such Fear in to the Heart of a Brave Man That he Utters the Word “Ick”

House Centipede, Scutigera coleoptrata

House Centipede, Scutigera coleoptrata

I feel as though I should acknowledge summer since it is soon to be a thing of the past. This post tends to leave writing on the back burner, which is something you probably shouldn’t do in a blog about writing. I’ll just have to invoke poetic license, but just this once.

I realize that most people don’t care for insects; however, my wife has developed an unnatural aversion to a unique bug that likes to frequently prowl across our ceilings. These little rapscallions range in size from a 1/4 inch to 2 or more inches when full grown. They are somewhat flat, tan colored and boast multiple legs circumnavigating their entire body, although there may be a few antennae protruding from the front which happens to look identical to the back. These little boogers can scoot across a sheet-rock wall before you can say, “Seattle Slew.”

When I say my wife has a developed an aversion to these scampering wall clingers, I don’t mean she runs out of the room or hides under the bed covers. This sweet female I’m spending my life with and enjoying the experience immensely will clear our king size bed in a single bound, armed with a flyswatter, shoe or a hand covered in skin just to get at one of these beasts.

Normally, she hits this creature with such force, it disintegrates. Occasionally, she‘ll catch enough of this multi-legged bug and knock it to the floor. Then watch out, cause its Katy-bar-the-door. She’ll chase it  along the wall, stomping if it dare raise its head around the edge of the carpet. Eventually, I’ll hear a satisfied, “Gotcha!”

She’ll appear from behind some piece of furniture, donning her weapon of choice and the dead carcass of what we now know to be a house centipede,  who met his fate meddling with my wife. Bugs in general, including arachnids and our slithery scaly friends, don’t much bother me and in my family I am the exception to the creepy crawling rule.

My son, stepson and son-in-law all cringe at the thought of anything with more than four legs or no legs at all. At least, they keep it in the family; their wives work bug detail.

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