I wrote a book not knowing why or who,
It’s something I thought I’d never do.
After sixty thousand words and twelve months of time
I finally had a manuscript that I could call mine.
I jumped up and down with joy in my heart,
I did it! I did it! I began to impart.
I’m finally an author, a writer you see
and then someone shook a wise finger at me.
Slow down, young one, what you’ve done is quite good,
but allow me to tell you the vile truth if you would.
Penning your book is ten percent of the mix
but we mustn’t stop there til we’re deep in the fix.
Edit, yes edit, I say it again,
edit’s the next thing you’ll tackle in vain.
Do it like this without nary a change,
once you’re complete you’ll do it again.
You’ll do it and do it, no reason or rhyme
and after you’ve done it… do it one more time.
That noun don’t go here, that verb don’t go there
in fact they’re forbidden to go anywhere.
The only grammar allowed in this book
is dangling participles and regurgitated looks.
I wrote and I wrote till my body was sore
and then I was told, “I must do a bit more.”
The edits aren’t right beginning page one
and the further I check these rewrites ain’t done.
You’ll have to redo
the preface to start;
if the book’s incorrect where it begins
we’ll redo this book from beginning to end.
After three short years the rewrites were done,
my publisher’s happy it’s now time for fun.
The day of release is coming up quick;
it requires a knife the excitements so thick.
And now that the book sets high on a shelf,
available online and everywhere else
I noticed I’ve sold one copy to myself.
And then the wise finger that stopped me before,
said hold on young author there’s still so much more.
Before you sell thousands of books you must learn
there’s a word you’ll engrain in your head like a worm.
Marketing is what you must tackle next,
it’s not really hard it just takes a knack.
This knack will cause you to pull out your hair
only after it’s gray, but it shan’t stop there.
Multiple computers will meet untimely demise
as you sift through the wreckage of ideas unrealized.
How do I bring my book before those
who would purchase and read it leaving stellar reviews.
Then suddenly it came to me with a bound
the answer I knew I had finally found.
Yes that was it, it would work and not fall
I would take over a bookstore with weapons and all.
Then folks would buy, they’d be happy to you see,
for the encouragement needed is a bullet and me.
I would sell and sell and sell even more
for the buyers would gladly empty the store.
As I sit in my cell doing my time
I learn that my book is doing real fine.
Because of my antics the interest piqued
and I sold millions of copies in a couple of weeks.
I’m writing a sequel that I hope will be done
by the time I exit this institution.
The food ain’t too bad and the hours are good,
I’m getting more than enough sleep than I should.
The writing is fun and the editing I’ll do,
but when the marketing comes up I’m leaving that to you!