Gimme This, Gimme That, Shove That Hot Dog Down My Neck and Don’t Forget The Spicy Mustard

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Since the holidays are so close, I’m considering penning a periodical for each holiday as they approach.

Now, if you give this a small amount of forethought, you’ll immediately realize that there’s a problem. This problem, I have noticed, has become more prevalent the last twelve months.

Cinema graphically: Christmas began in July on one network playing one Christmas based movie each weekend until the holiday is here.

Commercially: Ads (although sparse) began in September.

So, someone tell me; how do I disseminate my periodical on Halloween when dead, naked, frozen turkeys command the airways?

By the same token, at the time these frozen gobblers should be dancing across the stupid box, the airways are clogged with a fat man bellowing “HO, HO, HO.”

There is no distinction between the holidays. From October until January 1st, we are inundated with “buy this, drink that, buy more, inhale fat.”

By January 1st, we’re sick from the last three months, sick of the last three months and what have we accomplished?

Allow me to tell you. We’ve upped our credit card debt; we’re bordering on morbid obesity; and we’re thirty percent dumber for doing this.

One of my pet peeves is the statement, “Happy Holidays.” Where this came from, I’ve got a good idea but will keep my mouth shut. The correct term is, “Merry Christmas.” December 25th was set aside to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. So, come on, folks, let’s call a spade a spade.

I guess I’ll nix the idea of a holiday periodical. It would be too confusing during this time of year in which we attempt to cram tons upon tons of questionable choices into our already crowed lives.

Maybe I’ll concentrate on the 4th of July, the birth of our nation, hot dogs, hamburgers and my favorite, sausages.

Now, I’ve got a plan and I’ll begin with a grilled bratwurst and a half a dozen sparklers.

All I need from you is, “How do you like your burgers, medium rare?”

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