I Don’t Wanna Die by the Hand of a Shadow Monster. Why Do I Have to Be Hacked to Pieces? Whine, Whine, Whine. Even Mediocre Help is Hard to Find.

Have you ever felt as though you would like to live vicariously through the characters you create on paper?Dark_knight

I thought about it, thought about it some more, took a nap, and then considered it one last time. What I decided was a resounding, “NO!”

You see, even though a certain amount of “me” flows through the virtual nerve synapsis of my paper bound buddies, it’s not the part that lives in constant danger. And most certainly, contains not one iota of the beast slaughtering, world jumping, plague dodging and all around kill or be killed existence my entourage seems to embrace.

For the adrenaline junkie, life on the edge is not exactly my style. My idea of an exciting excursion, living life to the fullest and enjoying those “will I make it back in one piece” moments, consist of catching an 8 ounce spot in the surf. After that, the sky’s the limit. There’s no telling what I might get into. I’ve even been known to dare hitting the beach without sunscreen. Now, if that doesn’t put the fear in the heart of a brave man, then I’m at a loss at what will.

As I write, I contemplate how much death, dismemberment and mayhem I can drag my sad little creations through; for they are my puppets. “Dance little puppets, dance.” I suppose I should cut’em a little slack for they do the majority of the work.

I did happen to find a highly recommended virtual psychiatrist, but the cost in virtual bucks is a bit over the top. I do know a first year psychologist who just got out of jail and will work for beer.

I can hear it now, all you bleeding heart bookies. You have no idea what this business entails. So don’t judge me just because I want to save a few vb’s. I’ve got a wife and 6 kids I’m grooming for the business and let me tell ya, novel acting lessons ain’t cheap.

That’s it! I can tell already that I may as well be talking to a brick wall. Whine for the downtrodden characters even though they chose their own career. Well I’ve just about had it. Wait till my next book. If you think it’s bad now, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Why don’t you go read some sappy romance novel, cause you won’t find any sissy stuff here.

See ya in the funny papers.

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