Ho, Ho, Ho!

I have a friend who’s been after me to write a children’s Christmas story… I don’t know. Most of my characters have unusual attributes that wouldn’t easily lend themselves to a children’s story. nativityMaybe if that child were the spawn of two maniacal beings?

For this particular friend (who happens to be one of my best buds) I will give it a try, but I ain’t sure she’s gonna like it.

While we’re on the subject of Christmas… are you ready? We’re only about 2 ½ weeks away… Well, of course, you’re not.

Is the sky the limit? Or do you approach the holiday more conservatively? Is it cash on the barrel or “Charrrrge it!”

Are you making that large four-wheel purchase this year or possibly surprising that special someone with that ring finger rock that signals future nuptials?

Just remember, that diamond you’re encouraged to pay three months’ salary for is worth about a dime-a-dozen. The diamond industry is so regulated that they can turn a common gemstone into a rare commodity.

Here’s a suggestion:

  • Bash the bottom out of an old soft drink bottle.
  • Shape the selected piece on a grinder.
  • Polish alternatingly with finer grits of emery cloth until the desired sheen is achieved.
  • Cut a piece of pipe corresponding to the size of the intended’s left ring finger (this may be taken from any type of tubing, copper, brass, etc).

Once complete, you’ll have a ring every bit as valuable as its counterpart and maybe more so due to the originality factor. Then, just to reinforce your lack of conformity, slide the ring on her finger and lick her right square on the jaw after she says, “Yes.”

Marketing, marketing, marketing. I need to get a diamond marketing executive working on my book. Each piece of literature will come with a one-of-a-kind engagement ring of my design. I already have the slogan, “Every lick begins with Lynn.” …Nuff said.

Certainly, you have your decorating complete by now. Your Christmas tree trimmed and flashing in chorus with a massive display of exterior illumination. Together, they transmit a beacon to surrounding counties alerting them to your holiday presence.

I remember one year stringing thousands upon thousands of lights. My front yard looked like a passel of demented one legged spiders had descended, attempting to spin one bad web between them. Needless to say, they failed miserably. I believe it was around Easter before the lights were down and tucked away. Once again…nuff said.

Stockings on the mantle, Nutcrackers line the shelves, representations of practically every Santa Claus around the world and a few off  planet variations arespread about the house.

A Christmas village fills the entire fireplace hearth. Ceramic houses, angel hair snow, and pine trees add color to the white landscape.

I saved the best for last…

A large nativity scene outside and several smaller ones inside our home depict the very beginnings of a Gift. A Gift that would endure the cross, conquer the grave, and span the ages.

Merry Christmas!

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