If I Sold This Stuff, I’d Make a Fortune

Have you ever wondered who reads what and how much of it they read? finalsaleWell, if you have a moment I just happen to have a few figures tucked away in my belly button… Here we go. Did you know that nearly 17% of readers choose thrillers, while about the same number prefer a good science-fiction novel? Romance accounts for 18% and mysteries top out over 30%.

What we have here are plain and simple percentages. Never had much use for them myself, but then again, they’re a fact of life and oh, what a fact they are.

You’ll find percentages in everything from political poles to nautical charts, school blackboards and hot dog carts.

I guess if I had a pet peeve, it would be percentages and commercials.

First, let’s determine exactly what a peeve is and whether or not it would make a desirable pet.

I imagine one as a nasty little fuzz ball that growls and attempts to remove a chunk of your flesh at any point in time it deems convenient.

Now that we’ve hashed out the worthiness of the pet peeve pet we can get down to business… I’m having difficulty remembering… That’s right, “the consumer commercial.”

Do you ever get tired of…

“Today only we’re marking 30% off of each and every suit, but that’s not all. Buy one shirt for the regular price of $74 .99 and get 10% off the next five purchased.”

Or, “We’re having our New Year’s, Valentines, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day sale, August 1st this year. Save 20%, 30%, 40%, 50%, 60%, 70%, 80% and up to 90% one day only. On August 2nd we’ll celebrate M.L.K. day, Presidents’ Day, Columbus Day, Yom Kippur, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Toddler’s Day (just in case such a day is enacted, I wouldn’t want to offend anyone) and Groundhog Day, where we’ll increase prices 20% to 90% depending upon the item.”

And who could forget? “This Saturday at C K Hacks: 20% off all pocket books, 30% off all shoes, 40% off all Clump-Skunker skirts and tops and 10% off, your choice of any item for a grand total of 100% off. Remember, that’s one day only at C K Hacks, under the overpass at Knuckles Road and South Posey Drive. zip code, 11ty12”

And my favorite:

“Only at the Eyeball Barn, purchase Lasix surgery for one eye and get 50% off the second eye. We guarantee our work for 795 blinks (that’s for each eye, an unprecedented warranty in the eye surgery game) extended warranties available.”

I guess after all is said and done, the American consumer is going to purchase whatever it wants whenever it wants, regardless of all the retail hype. We’re a savvy bunch in that respect.

Which reminds me, I’ve only completed 40% of my first set of rewrites on my latest book. I best get busy before I’m looking at 0% sales. Of course, if I slash the price in half, I’ll probably sell twice the number of books that I would, had I left the price intact.

So, in essence, I’m reaping twice the benefits with only half of the work. And, what really makes this a sweet deal is the bottom line. 0% sales equals 0% sales. Cut that in half and you have 0% sales less half. What does all this mean? I’m ready for next April 15th, nine months in advance, because the paperwork is done.

Why I didn’t think of this earlier…

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under On writing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s