Why We Were Are Where We Is…That Being Said, More or Less, Says It All

Think of what an intriguing and entertaining book you could write if it was possible to become any animal you wished for a bald eagleday.

 Maybe you would decide upon the majestic bald Eagle, the noble symbol for these United States of America. Perhaps it would be the turkey, a bird that Benjamin Franklin entertained instead of the Eagle.

 Truth be told the turkey is stealthy and quite possibly, its cunning may be unequaled in the avian kingdom; while the Eagle will feed on any and everything, including carrion. But for my money, I’d rather have a junkyard dog with gritty sharp mouth and talons of steel on my side than a wrinkly old college professor.

 Have you ever wondered about the sea critters we so enjoy to crunch and munch? Perhaps a crab living on the bottom of the sea.

 All of a sudden, the dual clawed dumpster-divers most common food item plops down in front of him (the cackle flappa-cronis) ready for a fight. In layman’s terms this beast is known as ‘the chicken wing.’

 Once the crustacean ensnares the wing, the crustacean himself is ensnared. He lands on the dock and immediately begins the sideways ritardo strut, straight into the crab house hot tub.

 How about that luscious lover of golden liquid just begging for a ride from the depths (where it dines on microscopic delicacies and moves about in tandem canvassing the cold seafloor) to a bowl of butter near you? I’m talking of none other than our friend, the majestic king crab. This jaunty long legged fellow’s IQ is so above board that I will attempt a rendition of what is known in crustacean circles as “jiggle to the Jacuzzi.” A little ditty that goes like this:

 Pad-dukey-duke, Pad-dukey-duke, dukey -dukey-duke, splash!

 We’ll do one more.

 Just for the sake of argument, let’s say you have decided to become  a mayfly for a day. It would go something like this:

  •  Crawl from the water and dry your wings.
  • Fly off in search of another you, only with different equipment.
  • Find said she-fly and begin procreation.
  • Complete illicit act of creating illegitimate children, have cigarette, and then die.

Even though you didn’t enjoy 24 hours of life, you did your part in assuring the continuation of your species.

Wow, what fun we’ve had today pretending–much too much fun for any one small group to keep to themselves.

I know! Next week invite your friends and will do it all over again.

Be sure to eat all your meat and I’ll see you again real soon!

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