Writing has become a healthy obsession and a new vocation that I more or less fell into. There’s just something about sitting down in front of a blank sheet of paper that empowers me; not in an evil creator fashion that gives me the power of life, death, but more like a sense of satisfaction. It’s something that I do from the time I get up until the time I lay my cute little head down to sleep.
Novels, novellas, short stories, long stories, it doesn’t matter. All are fodder for this ravenous author. I guide myself and the companions within my imagination through all sorts of adventures, dangers and just down right good times, and through these journeys I have learned that things are not always as they seem.
That being said, this is probably the most unusual segue that you have ever experienced, but for some reason it works for me. Perhaps it’s just my misshapen head that exudes deformed brain waves. Or maybe it just is what it is. For whatever reason, I’ve spent enough time on this introduction and now I invite you to join me as we delve into the world of unsweetened sweets.
Our first subject is the horse apple:
This particular strain of fruit goes by many other names but in actuality it is equine excrement. And as they say, a turd by any other name is still a turd, although these particular turds are genuinely useful. They’re used around the world to manufacturer bricks, to cook food and heat homes. They are said to burn hotter than seasoned wood (although I don’t believe I would hold my marshmallow directly over the fire).
This brings me to our second offering, the cow pie:
You guessed it. It’s bovine excrement. We will dispense with the “turd by any other name” statement. Not only can the cow pie immolate the horse apple, but it is also used as a thermal covering for walls, a mosquito repellant (and before you start thinking that it’s applied to the skin, it’s actually burned because the smoke keeps those aggravating little blood suckers away). Since 1970, Oklahomans have been drying cow pies and turning them into organic Frisbees for an annual cow chip throwing contest.
And now for the big finish. The rabbit pellet:
What can we say about the lowly rabbit turd? Two things, actually. It’s called a pellet when it goes in as well as when it comes out, and it also looks pretty much the same way when deposited as it did when ingested.
So what have we learned today? Horse apples are good, cow pies are very good, and rabbit pellets are worthless. Remember: Just because it’s called a pie, you may want to check the filling before you dig in.