Lithium? Kinda Sounds Like You Talk With a Lisp.

English: Duracell battery

English: Duracell battery (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Portable power, instant electricity, wireless wattage and cylindrical acidity.  We’re constantly reminded of its value to humanity by bunny rabbits  beating drums, sayings such as “coppertop,”  and reminders that we can transport ourselves more economically if we own a hybrid .

What am I talking about?  The battery, of course.

Now imagine for a moment the possibility that batteries are a thing that exist only in science fiction novels and in the mind of futuristic beings for use in strange, as yet to have been created, unimaginable devices.

What would we do?  No more wiling away the hours listening to our portable radios.  No more digital watches to keep us on time or digital pictures to take photos of us being on time.

When storms come (as they are often wont to do), what is left to light our way? Candles?  Hand held torches?  Have you ever tried to shine a flashlight that contains no batteries?  Let the power go out and it’s goodbye Johnny Beam-O-Light.

And you might as well get use to hand cranking your car, hand cranking your camera and hand cranking your television remote, because push as you might them buttons ain’t gonna change the channels.

Just to drive the point home a little deeper:  your toothbrush wouldn’t work, so all your teeth are gonna fall out. Your alarm clock no longer has backup power so it will constantly blink, causing major problems with your eyesight. And lastly, your invisible fence no longer shocks your dog to keep him in the yard, so he’ll be run over by a car.

And worst of all, no more Christmas presents with “batteries not included” stamped across the box!

Now consider my solution for this life altering problem.  A few years ago (somewhere around 250 AD) an enterprising young man (we’ll call him Ugg) took a ceramic vessel, slid a copper tube into the vessels opening and inserted an iron rod through a stopper and into the copper tube. The stopper acted as an insulator, keeping the iron and copper from touching.  An acid such as lemon juice or vinegar was then poured into the vessel.  A strange reaction occurred, causing electrons to flow and producing 1.1 volts of power.  Viola! The Bagdad battery.

Problem solved.  All we have to do is work out the kinks.  Issues such as weight and the number of vessels it would take to power the smallest of appliances would need to be considered. A digital watch, for example, would only take about 30 vessels. Yessiree, back in the saddle again.

It seems that we have come to the end of another post and I have failed to include anything witty or informative on the subject of writing.  So I guess I’ll end with this bit of hopefully useful information.  If you happen to use a battery operated word processor, make sure to reinforce your floor boards, ‘cause the number of Bagdad batteries you’ll need are gonna tilt your neighborhood a few degrees one way or the other.

So warn the neighbors and invite them over for a little juice.

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